This is MINE

MeetMe

Now I'm not sure how popular this site is today, but once upon a time, when I was just a baby (16 lol) I made a MeetMe (but if we're being realistic I had MeetMe when I was much younger back when it was still MyYearbook) and I just wanted to make friends honestly. To prove I could. To show people I could be pretty, smart, funny, attractive and what have you. That guys would show interest in me. Looking back now I'm not sure why I needed that affirmation, and I'll never understand why I did. Because well you see when I started my 3 step plan I was in love. Deeply madly in love. With my best friend might I add! And I just KNEW we would be together for the rest of our lives, or I hoped so at least. I never actually got to tell her I'm sorry. (Yes I said her) so even if she never reads this, and even if she doesn't care or want to know what all happened, my dear this is for you. -I'm sorry, I'll always be sorry, I'll always be proud of you and love you and support you in all you do in your life, even when I'm not a part of it. You're so strong and brave and fearless and I adore you. I'm sorry-

I gave up the greatest thing I had ever had for a social experiment gone wrong. But again THATLL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME mindset got me all types of messed up.

So I start posting on MeetMe and getting Views and Likes and Comments. Perfect right? I'm getting what I wanted out of this, proof so I can actually show people and brag that "hey guys like me too" wrong. I start getting invited to hang out and invited to parties (id never actually been invited to a party before so it was like THE COOLEST thing EVER when older guys invite you out!) and one day I finally took someone up on the offer.

We were supposed to be strictly JUST FRIENDS.

I told them all about my girlfriend. I loved her, how could I hide her?. Everyone knew it wasn't a secret.

So the day comes we're supposed to hang out at the "party" (which I was promised a party but it was a bbq , which I guess should have been my first sign that something wasn't right)

So I'm eating, and sitting around, and getting asked about a million questions. Now at the time I was 16, and the stranger on the Internet I had been talking about told me he was 18, which seemed cool. But when I met his family at his "party" he insisted that I told them I was 18 so his family wouldn't be mad at him. (Looking back I'm mad as hell at 16 year old me for being so blind to all of the signs that we're put right in my face, but nothing can change)

So I reassured his family that I was 18 and we were just friends, and that I wouldn't be doing anything with anyone anyways because, well I was just a baby in my own mind.

Flash forward to a few hours into the "party" and the guy I met online offers me alcohol. *How cool his parents let him drink* I thought. (I had drank before with my close friends family so I assumed if parents let it happen that it would be safe, I thought wrong)
So he offers me shots of vodka, it was in a pink bottle, it was supposed to taste like strawberries, it didn't. It tasted like fire and burned every time I took a sip. -but at 16 when everyone is encouraging you to drink and have fun, it seems COOL which is all I ever wanted to be.

Flash forward another 4 shots and 1 hour. His mom invited me to their basement/garage. And I went. When I got into the garage she asked me if I wanted to smoke. Young, dumb, sixteen year old me agreed. Not knowing what id get myself into. She pulls out a joint, which I had never actually seen one in person before so that made this super cool right? I finally got to do things the "cool" kids at school were doing. I could say I did it, I could fit in. Until I started smoking, which I had smoked out of a bowl before, just never a blunt and never at a "party" with strangers. I'd like to believe I had some wits to me as a child. BUT sometimes I question that statement.

Bad decisions made so far
1) meeting up with a STRANGER off the Internet ALONE
2) DRINKING WITH A STRANGER
3) SMOKING with STRANGERS
4)Not watching what was put into the blunt

After about 3 puffs from smoking in the circle in the garage, I couldn't feel my body. I can't tel you if it was the alcohol hitting me, the weed buzzing, or a mixture of the two. Or what I've come to believe now as a "daterape" that I was given somewhere in between those two events as I can't even recall what happened after being helped up the stairs really. Other than, I lied down on his bed, I looked at his ceiling and said "I feel like I'm going to float into space" and the whole room started spinning.

That's what came of my SOCIAL EXPERIMENT.

This is what I put myself through to be COOL.
This is what I did to be ACCEPTED.