8 ~ beautiful?

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{!WARNING! self harm scars}

Felix had picked me up and taken me out. He told me the boys had gone out for the weekend leaving us alone. Funny.

Hands melded together, we walked along the street full of street food. From every angle came a different scent. Thai, Japanese, Korean and even hints of greasy American foods. I'd put on some black skinny jeans with my black and white vans and one of Felix's hoodies. It smelled like him and was one of the best things I'd ever acquired.

We walked along until we found what Felix had seemed to be looking for.

"Here! They do the most amazing Chinese. There aren't many Chinese stalls if you noticed."

I looked around and he was right. There were barely any Chinese places.

"Boiled rice, sweet and sour chicken and prawn crackers please."

I looked at Felix after hearing his oh so heavenly voice ordering in Korean and blushed a little.

"I thought we could share is that alright?"

He looked into my eyes and I melted, nodding and going to sit on the wall behind us. Walking over, he handed me the rice before lovingly pouring the chicken onto it and handing me some chopsticks.

We ate the chicken happily, feeding each other now and then. I accidentally missed his mouth and got sauce on his cheek. The mood changed suddenly, as I leaned over and licked the sauce away before kissing the spot. I kissed down his jaw and moved up and met his lips. His hands glided to my waist and gripped me tighter as the kiss continued, completely forgetting about the food.

"Dorm?"

Was all he said before pulling my wrist and walking speedily to the dorms.

By the time we got there I was out of breath, and the wind had pushed his hair back in a way that just made me want to run my fingers though it.

Dragging me inside, he pulled the hoodie off of my frame and threw it onto the floor before pushing his hands beneath my baggy shirt and reacquainting his cold hands with my hot skin. I ran my fingers through his hair and pushed his denim jacket off of his shoulders; my lips not leaving his for a second.

I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him so he fell back onto the couch. Kissing him lightly, I pulled off his black t Shirt and kissing his collarbones, sucking a light purple bruise to the skin like be did just days before.

Suddenly he flipped us over and hovered above me. He kissed my cheek before lowering himself to my neck and sucking harshly, leaving multiple marks. His hands pushed up my shirt but I pushed it back down and he gave me a small smile, knowing I wasn't too comfortable with my body. All was going well until he started to unbutton my jeans. Before I could say anything he'd pulled off my jeans, leaving me in my underwear.

Silence filled the room as he looked down at my thighs. I quickly sat up and covered my thighs with my top before burying my head in my hands.

"Felix...I'm sorry I should've told you..."

He looked saddened and I didn't know what to say. All of a sudden he grabbed my face and kissed me softly with only love in its intentions. Pulling me up to stand, he got to his knees where my top still covered most of the damage.

"You're beautiful no matter what y/n. I just want you to be happy."

He lifted my shirt above my thighs and looked at me for permission. I nodded, still terrified. My top lifted and he looked at my scars. Then I felt small kisses littering my thighs. He was kissing each and every scar he could see, the way I had with his freckles. I let tears fall and he noticed, standing back up and pulling me into a tight embrace.

"Cuddles?"

Falling back onto the couch, he pulled a blanket over the both of us and turned on netflix.

"Plus it's probably best we didn't go further since I'm still a minor and all."

I blushed and widened my eyes. Shit I forgot about that, I'd be locked up.

"Yeah definitely."

I exhaled a shaky breath.

"I have a question."

He turned me to look at him and he looked concerned. I knew exactly what this question was about.

"When was the last time you..."

"Cut?"

I said bluntly and he flinched as if the word had actually cut him.

"Yeah..."

"Im not sure...around a month ago I think. It's the longest I've been without..."

His cheeks pushed up as he smiled lightly. However as quickly as he had smiled, it faded.

"Why?"

I sighed. This was going to be a long night.

"I didn't feel like I was good enough. I hate myself and I have for a long time so I felt like I never deserved anything but pain."

He contemplated his next words, clearly mulling over what I'd just said.

"Im not sure how much I'm going to have to say it, but as long as I change your view little by little then thats good enough for me."

I smiled.

"I love you so much Lee Felix."

"I love you too y/n. More than anything."

And with that we fell asleep in each others arms, yet I couldn't help but hear a little uncertainty in his voice...

okay so i won't lie, my bias is chan and im feeling like i need some drama to keep this story going so I'll probably introduce more chan and other members other than felix and changbin. maybe some more jisung x changbin...
there will be more references to depression and maybe self harm but please know i take it all very seriously and mean absolutely no offence. if you do have any problems please PLEASE let me know.
thankyou ☺️

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