duck me 😩

12 3 29

tfw you deaded

Hey gamers remember when i used to use "xD" unironically back in 2016

Haha yes those were the days
Those days were fun
Those nights were fun

Nights I will never get back.
Nights I will remember forever.
Days I will yearn to get back.
Days of a former me; a better me.

Someone who could be respected even as a weirdo.
Someone who made people smile.
Someone who you could hold an extensive conversation with and never get bored.

Someone who was loved by at least one person.
Someone who was able to love that person.

Haha, thinking about the past is
How I will probably spend my future.

Nowadays I'm just so so tired of everything being the same old thing.

Wake up, go to school, get home, eat, sleep, repeat.

I used to find happiness on the internet. This was my home. My happy place. Somewhere I could shelter during the storm. Wattpad especially. But, alas, all good things come to an end and this daying hold especially true in my case.

I can't be happy for too long before life fucks me over.

I take medication every day and go to a therapist twice a week, and to what avail? It does nothing for me. Anti-depressants make me feel worse.

I used to be able to come online and see a place bustling with people I could talk to. That were my friends, my family.

That was sure a long time ago.

I bring this up because I realise how much people dislike me. Whenever I try to do something good it gets taken the wrong way. I want to be friendly and respectable and approachable but I'm just not, am I?
If you've been with me for the whole of my journey on Discord (which none of you have) then you will understand how much I have changed. I'm so toxic now.

I make bad jokes to make myself feel better. I put others down to make myself feel better. I have crazy delusions. It's not the same.

It is not the same.

And of course people change.
People change all the time, it's a way of nature. But whether they change for better or for worse is the main thing. And for me it is the latter.

I want to be someone people can talk to but it's just so hard now.

I am disliked a lot. There are a few things left in my life and I want to cling to them. My last few chances of redemption, even though I'm past redemption for a lot of people.

Well, this was something I don't usually do. Something different for a change. I got a lot off my mind.

So, if you read all that, thank you. You don't need to help me.

Thank you again.

Bye.

   -link

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