The Equation Doesn't Add Up

My Feelings

-RIIIIIIING- There's the bell. I should head back to Mr. Baldi's class. I got up and made my way down the hall. "Gotta sweep sweep s w e e p!" I turned around and noticed a large broom hurling towards me. "Oh FU-" I was cut off by the broom sweeping me down the hall. By the time I opened my mouth to scream, I was thrown to the side and slammed against the door. The broom took off down the hall. I sat up, leaning my head against the door. Suddenly the door opened, causing me to fall backwards. First I'm emotionally hurt, now I'm physically hurt. I looked up to see Mr. Baldi looking down at me with a rather shocked expression. "____________, are you alright?" I got up and dusted myself off. "Wow, you're actually talking to me." I froze. Did I really just talk to my teacher like that? Fuck. He looked at me shocked. "I..." He didn't say much else. He just turned and went back into his class. I sighed and followed him. I got up to my desk and sat down. I looked up at Mr. Baldi. He was at his desk, looking at the papers scattered again. "Mr. Baldi, I'm sorry I-" he cut me off. "It's quite alright, ___________." I looked down. I really didn't want my teacher to hate me. Does he hate me? "Do you hate me?" I found myself saying out loud. Shit ________ stop talking, PLEASE. He looked up at me, a sad yet shocked expression on his face. "What? No, of course not." I sighed. "You've been acting different towards me, sir. Did I do something wrong?" I didn't think it was possible, but the sadness in his face only worsened. "___________, I don't hate you. You're my star student. I'm sorry if you feel differently." He looked back down at the papers. I didn't know what else to say.

He looked back up at me. "You can go home, __________. We're done for today." I sighed. I didn't say anything. I just grabbed my things and made my way out the door. He didn't follow me. I began my drive home, thinking about what I could've done wrong. At least tomorrow's Friday.

Mr. Baldi's P O.V.
I watched them leave out my door. Not even a goodbye. I sighed, placing my head in my hands. Why have I been acting like this? I heard a knock at my door. I didn't remove my head from my hands. "Come in." I knew it was the principal. He stepped into my classroom. "Baldi, are you okay?" He walked over to my desk, pulling up a chair and sitting down. I shook my head, not saying anything. The principal sighed. "You like them, Baldi." I looked up. "Of course I do, they're my student." I could see the frustration in the principals face, but he maintained his composure. "You know that's not what I meant." I placed my hands on the desk, intertwining my fingers. "It's been 4 days, and they're my student. I can't like my student, especially not in 4 days. The principal shrugged. "Look at you. You're a wreck. The only punishment you've given them is a slap to the hand!" I looked down. "I've been acting... Aggressive... Towards them lately. Not talking to them, yelling at them, and threatening to punish them. That slap on the hand was the only physical punishment. The principal seemed taken back a bit. "Why did you do that?" I threw my hands up, but kept my elbows on the table. "I don't know! Ever since our talk I can't help but push them away! I don't want this school to shut down but dammit I can't control it!" I slammed my hands back on the table. The principal looked at me, sadness in his eyes. "Baldi, please be careful. Whatever choice you make, own it. Just please make sure it's the right one." With that, he left. I looked down at mt desk. I looked at the ruler marks embedded onto my desk. If a ruler did this to a wooden desk, inagine the pain those students must have felt. I felt a smile creep across my face, then I pictured __________. My smile instantly faded. They don't deserve that. I caught myself in my thoughts. Why am I suddenly feeling empathy? I've never felt empathy. I didn't feel it when some little brat cut Playtimes jump rope, and I sure as hell didn't feel it beating those children. So why now? I rubbed my head. Why does the principal think I like them? They're my student! I could never! I'm a teacher! I quickly stood up. Maybe a walk would help me. I looked down under _____________'s desk. There was a notebook.

I walked over, picking the notebook up. I brought it back to my desk and sat down. I opened it to the first page. It was a bunch of math problems. They were making up their own since I wouldn't give them any. I smiled, flipping through the pages. It was all mostly math and doodles, until I got to a section. They must have used this as a temporary journal. I really shouldn't read it, but I am curious. I looked through the paper.

Mr. Baldi has been acting strange lately. He's been yelling at me, and he won't walk with me anymore. Is it because I'm bad at math? It's only day 4 and I already got my teacher to hate me. Great. I reread the passage. They really think I hate them. I practically collapsed on my desk, throwing my arms in fromt of me. I don't hate them, but I also don't understand why I'm pushing them away. I've never pushed another student away before. They've always been too terrified of me to even push them away. I looked down at the passage, rereading it again and again. I need to get back to my normal self tomorrow. I can't allow them to think I have this hatred towards them. After all, theyre my star student.