I was honestly shocked when Clara asked me to be a bridesmaid. I said yes, of course, because it's Clara and she's the best person in the world. I'm so envious of her. She has everything I've ever wanted. Once all the drama with Jace was over, Luke dumped me because I was too complicated for him. Since then, I've mostly just been hanging around with Jen, not really having anyone else to turn to. But I didn't understand why Clara asked me. So, of course, I had to ask for a reason. Let me tell you what she said, because I will remember it for the rest of my life. Even if I get Alzheimer's and forget everything, I will still remember what she told me.
"Oh, MacKenzie," Clara had sighed, smiling at me. "I'm asking you because your my friend and because we're a lot alike."
"We're not alike," I said. "You're a much better person than I am."
"No, I'm not. MacKenzie, we were both forced to do something we didn't want to do for the sake of love. Yes, for the longest time I absolutely hated you. But you know what? I realized that when Jace took advantage of me and you were forced to help him, it must have been just as traumatic for you as it was for me. You never wanted to hurt anyone, but you didn't have a choice. I admire that you had the strength to do what needed to be done for the sake of someone you loved so much," Clara told me. I felt tears streaming down my face, my heart tightening with the memories. "Oh, Kenzie, don't cry. I'm sorry."
"No, don't be," I had cried. "You're just such an amazing, forgiving person, and I don't know how you forgive everyone--especially someone like me."
"MacKenzie, there's no one else who's like you. And you are the person who deserves all the forgiveness in the world because you have the ability to give up your whole world for love. And I love that about you," Clara smiled forgivingly.
That's what will stick with me for the rest of my life. I can't believe that she forgave me, but however she did it, I appreciate it. And now I'm going to walk down the isle at her wedding with the second most forgiving person in the world: Niall Horan. Since Clara told us that we would be walking down the isle together, Niall and I have become really close and I can confidently say that he's one of my best friends. He's such a genuinely kind person.
The wedding is tomorrow, and right now I'm just sitting in bed, reading and trying to relax my nerves for tomorrow, because guess who's going to be there? Luke. And Jace. What could possibly go wrong? I understand why Clara invited the two of them: she needs to get over her past to move on with her future. But honestly, I can't exactly say I'm excited to see my two ex-boyfriends who put me through the most pain I've ever been through. We'll just have to see how it works out tomorrow.
I'm so beyond nervous for tomorrow. I have my dress and everything is planned out to the last detail, but I have never been so nervous for anything in my entire life: not even the first time I performed on stage. Not even when I went to Callie's apartment and found Jace there. Speaking of Jace, yes, he will be there. But don't be too quick to judge me! After this, I promise I will never talk to him again. But I just felt like in order to move on to my future, I have to make peace with my past, which is exactly what I'm doing. I'm not all too excited to see him there, but hopefully he won't try to talk to Harry or me too much.
I still can't believe that May 11th is tomorrow. I'm sure your wondering why we chose May 11th. Why not May 12th? Or July 16th? Let me explain: there's two parts to the date. The first part is May. May is in the spring, right? And spring symbolizes new beginnings, which is exactly what Harry and I are getting. And the 11th is the day between Harry's and my birthdays. I know that's kinda confusing, but let me explain a little more. My birthday is on the 21st, and Harry's is on the 1st. So the 11th is exactly ten days away from each of our birthdays. I don't know how else to explain that, so I hope it makes sense to you.
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How would you feel if your whole world was ripped from under you, leaving you free falling? Wouldn't you want someone to catch you? When Clara Higgens's mom dies from an unknown disease, Clara has no where to turn, except to her new and unexpected f...