If The Pages In A Diary Could Talk

Paranoid

Dear diary

It is Thursday 27th January 2020

I have just came back from the hardest things I have ever had to do

My best friends funeral, to confront your friends and all of her family, speaking honourably about their daughter while carrying this guilt in my tummy.

Pretending I had no idea that Bennie was even alone with Billy and how she managed to grasp these drugs

My black velvet dress contaminated by my endless flow of tears. My mother and Clouse there with me for support. I'm just now glad that she is at rest and I have said my own goodbye, this is how it went:

                            Today we lay rest one of the most amazing, extraordinary beautiful
                             Girl, Bennie.
                             I like too think that there is all good in the world but with Bennie being
                            Taken so soon it really has knocked back my belief.
                            I know that Bennie would be so proud knowing how many people
                            Turned up today too pay their respects.
                            As we can all see Bennie touched so many hearts,she put the light in
                           Everyone's Ray where ever she followed.
                          To think that this had landed upon her is almost unbelievable.
                         Bennie was such a caring soul who was too young too grow her wings.
                      God was selfish too take her away so soon.
                        Bennie was my best friend, my soul sister.
                         We had known each other since we were in our mothers wombs.
                        We both believed that we were the twins that should of been.
                         I don't know what I'm going too do with out her but I know one thing for          
                        Sure and that's Benniw will be looking down on all of us.
                      When the sun is shining high we know that's her smiling.
                     I know I'm going too do my best too make her proud.
                    I'm not going too say goodbye as that's forever but goodnight and rest well
                   My angel until we meet again.

I had too Wright that down again and tell you because I had too remind myself how hard it has been.

I wanted to evoke myself that this was real and that this really happened. I didn't do anything else today apart from mope all day in my bedroom.

I didn't even want too see Clouse I know it seems like I'm just rolling in my own self pity  but I really just wanted my friend back. Not just that I had this psycho after me and I really needed to cook something up quick.

Checking my emails my inbox was empty, maybe he's gone or maybe he's given me a rest. Maybe he's heard the news about the release of my father.

I then decided to take a shower as I had terrible body odour, it clung to my body trailed behind everywhere.

Feeling the hot water ooze over my youthful skin, watching it drizzle off my fingertips. Letting the droplets splash on my face, closing my eyes exhaling the tension releasing the stress that was within me.

The room impregnated by the steam that blocked the sight of my reflection in the mirror.

Leaving my bathroom I notice a cool breeze which came from my window which appeared too be open but I never opened it. Closing it, peeping through too only be greeted by darkness.

Turning around too see a weight-full book on my bed.

Anxiously treading towards the object laying on my bed, a note saying "open me" positioned neatly on top.

An unhealthy feeling grew in my stomach, afraid of what I may discover. Turning over the hard cover too see cute pictures of me and Clouse together, happy inside, love quotes and memories included.

The high pitched creek of my wardrobe door making me rapidly turn around with my fists in the air.

With relief Clouse was standing there in total shock ooops!

I punched him of course, that's for freaking me out, God he could of coursed an heart attack. Over the moon that it was him, apologising everything had me on edge these days.

He came too surprise me and too make sure that I was doing okay. Which was sweet but I wanted to be on my own.

Clouse didn't believe that, he saw the pain I was drowning in.

What was I supposed too say, lying to him was like shoving a scolding hot iron down my throat.

He's staying with me all night tonight, kissing me, giving me the sense of security. Things finally felt normal even if it was just for one night.

Well I'm off now just had too fill you in.
Signed: Sky Riddle xoxox

..................................".........................................................................................................

Dear diary

Yep it is currently 2am

That normal night which I thought I felt has soon changed.

I woke up because I felt a little chilly, my window was open once again maybe Clouse had opened it.

Going to close it a dark figure catches my eye.

With it being pitch black outside, the only light was the spotlight off the outside lamps.

Underneath the only spotlight across the road stood the figure, masculine and tall looking. No facial features but it was if I could still feel the cold hard stare.

Not daring too look away, couldn't help but intuit that he was there watching me.

Jumping at the touch of Clouse's warm hands around my body asking me what I was doing. Snapping out of the trance like phase I was finding myself in I reply with a hard swallow ..nothing

He shuts the window, with me looking back too see that the shadow man was scarce.

Getting back into bed

Got too shut my eyes now - thank god for Clouse
Signed: Sky Riddle xoxox