Diaries From the Dead Girl

Letting Go

It is a cold Sunday morning, a chill runs through the air that nobody can escape. A distant church bell rings as everyone dresses for the occasion. Nobody knows how to say goodbye, nobody will ever be ready either. Faith's boyfriend Benji and her father and little sister Kendra were all to speak their goodbyes at Faiths funeral. Nobody is ever truly ready to say goodbye when the time comes.

    Kendra sits at her whitely painted desk reviewing the speech she has written and is to present later that morning. Her black satin dress still hangs in her closet last minute. Kendra knows the minute she puts on that dress she is already partly saying goodbye to her big sister. She doesn't allow herself to cry, not just yet. Kendra knows she has to be strong for herself and everyone else. There is a knock at her door "Kendra? Dear it's almost time to go, please be ready." Her father sighs. His footsteps trail down the hallway and then vanish like her sister. Kendra could still remember her sister silently running down the hallway in the middle of the night to go and see her boyfriend Benji. Every night she would hold one finger to her mouth as she walked past her room and then would smile at her when she showed her my lips were sealed. She would come home early in the morning and lay in Kendra's bed and tell her all of what happened, she never minded when she told her what happened, no matter how dirty it may have been.
           Kendra looked down at her speech and began to crumple and rip it apart. She threw the remaining pieces away and put her dress on over her head and slipped on her shoes before heading downstairs. Kendra held her locket close and slowly walked down the stairs where her father waited for her at the bottom. "Oh Kendra you look so beautiful, just like your mother and sister were." Her father cried. "Where's your speech?" Her father asked? Kendra sighed "I don't need it, trust me." She whispered walking down the stairs past her father. Kendra walked out the door and opened the car door and then slammed it. She knew they were late now because of her. It didn't matter, the longer the wait the better.

     You could hear the church bell from miles away. Only today it wasn't for a Sunday church or a wedding or a family reunion but for a death. People dressed in all black and white gathered inside to find their seats. Crowds of familiar and non familiar faces swarmed the building and around the casket. Kendra and her father were the last to arrive and were quickly greeted by everybody including Molly and Benji. "How you holding up babes?" Molly asked concerned to Kendra. Kendra only shook her head and found her reserved seat up front. The bell chimes then stopped ringing and everyone found their seat and sat down silently. The minister then walked up to the small stage and stood at the podium. "We are gathered here today to honor the deceased soul of Faith Gardener. Faith touched us all in different and special ways and we will now hear some words from the people she touched the lives of the most. We will now hear from Faiths father Daniel Gardener." The minister announced. Everyone applauded and Faith's father approached the standing podium and cleared his throat. "Thank you all for being here today.. Faith touched my heat in a way nobody else could. She was independent yet selfless and always learned from the small mistakes she made." Jones let a single tear roll down his face causing everyone else to tear up. "These last few years have been hard without Jessa by my side like she use to be. We use to cook together in the kitchen every Sunday together." He said wiping away another tear. "But today isn't about Jessa, it's about my dearest daughter Faith. The moment Jessa told me she was pregnant with Faith I already knew I was crazy about the unborn baby. When we figured out it was a girl I felt like Faith had occurred and that is how her name came to be." He cried. "The moment I held that small little baby I knew my life had changed forever because I had a beautiful baby girl with my wife that I had been together with since our freshman year of high school. Of course years passed and I watched Faith grow up into a beautiful human being just like her mother. She was strong when I wasn't and helped me realize that nobody is ever really gone." By this time Jones was sobbing and so was everyone around him. "Faith baby, if your listening and I know you are.. I want you to know that you changed my life in the most amazing way baby girl and I miss you with all of my heart. It was to soon for you to leave us but I know now that you are up there with your mother watching over all of us." He paused and left the podium immediately back to his seat to grab a tissue and sobbed into his hands. The minister sighed "We will now here from Benjamin Williams who was also known as Faiths boyfriend." The minister announced. Benjamin approached the podium and paused but then finally spoke.

"My name is Benji Williams, and a lot of you probably don't know me." Benji half smiled. "Faith.. oh dear god, was she just the most amazing human being out there. She always put everyone else's needs before hers and knew how to make everyone around her smile, even strangers." Benji tried to hold back tears and held a tissue to his eyes. "Faith made me better as a person and respected the fact that I had flaws like everyone else.. As of the 16th of this month Faith and I would have officially been dating a year now. I wish she could've made it that long, I wanted forever with that beautiful girl." Benji said pointing towards the closed Casket Faith lied in. "It may have been just an accident but she was taken away from me, us, to soon.. Faith babe, if you can hear me I want you to know that you meant everything to me. Every move I made I thought of you first and wondered if it was something you would approve of. You made me a better person and touched the lives of so many others other than me. Faith babygirl, I love you and miss you so much, I hope you know how much you meant to me." Benji said before he teared up and ran down the hall crying. Benji's mom chased after him and the minister approached the podium once again. "We will now hear from Faith's younger sister Kendra." He said.

         Kendra walked up with more confidence than others had this day. She brushed her hand down her long dress to make sure it wasn't bunched up and tightened the buckle on her boots and pulled up her socks. Everyone stood there a little confused. "That my family was a prime example of what I lost." Kendra spoke. "My mother teaching me how to do all of these things and Faith teaching me them over again. You see the little things we don't even remember getting help with from people we love is rare to remember. Ever since my mother died I remember every little memory from her and now it's starting to happen with Faith. You see, if course it was to soon for Faith to go and it was for my mother as well but watch, nobody here knows Faith like I did and never will. You all will probably forget this happened in a months time but I won't, I'll remember every little bit of it." Kendra said without batting an eye. "Faith doesn't just live in our hearts along with my mother but she is also here." Kendra spoke with confidence.

            ~sorry to leave it here but the next chapter will have the burial involved along with a few other things. Sorry it took so long for the update, next time I'll publish sooner 😘"