Down the rabbit hole

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Fuck!

I never thought in this situation, being cheated on, would hurt so much. She wasn't really my girlfriend but my beard. Something for me to hide behind until I was ready to come out. 

Can I really call Lucy kissing another guy cheating though? Especially when I never felt or displayed any romantic feelings for her?

Is it possible that I am overreacting?

Had it been any other guy, or girl for that matter, would I still be this upset? Would I have laughed and walked away? 

Or is it because it was Him.

Miles. Of course, it was Miles.

Dammit! My hand slams against the steering wheel in frustration. Every tiny thing over the last couple of weeks that was nothing at the time seems like giant red flags now. 

How could I have been so egotistical to think that Bridget's suspicions had something to do with me? A bitter laugh leaves my lips when I realize that they did, just not in the way I thought or hoped. 

 This is my fault, I suppose. I should never have looked at Lucy as anything more than the daughter of my fathers boss. But no, my genius idea of trying to hide behind her lead me down the rabbit hole to where I am now. 

Laying alone at the bottom of a cliff realizing that my crush will never be more than what he's always been.

I thought that I had been driving with no direction. That the random turns were just motions that I was taking to try and calm my raging mind. But as I park in front of Bridget's house, I realize that wasn't the case.

I had only been here once or twice for parties. I'm actually surprised that I remember where she lived. I guess the subconscious is deeper than we know. 

I just don't know why I came here. She and Miles have already broken up so it's not like she was cheated on. Or was she?

It makes me wonder when Miles and Lucy first got together. Was that their first kiss that I walked in on or did I catch the replay?

"Brandon?" I jump as Bridget knocks on the glass of the passenger window.

I didn't even see her approaching the car. I ignore the questionable look she gives me as I unlock the doors and she climbs in. 

"Hey. What are you doing here?" I know she's not scared of me, but there is a tone of caution to her voice. 

I don't blame her. I would be cautious too if she were to just park outside of my house for no reason. It's quiet for a moment as we watch the activity of her neighborhood. 

I don't mind the pause, it gives me a minute to think about what I should tell her. I could think of one or two lies. Make up something about the world history assignment, but what's the point? 

The truth will come out eventually and if anyone deserves the truth first, it's Bridget. 

"I went to see Lucy," my eyes continue to scan the street because I can't bring myself to look at her, "I walked in on her making out with Miles in her room." 

I risk a glance in her direction. I don't know what kind of reaction I was expecting as she purses her lips and drops her gaze to the center console. Ever so slightly, she nods her head and there is something in her expression that tells me she isn't all that surprised by the news. 

"Well," a humorless laugh escapes her lips and my eyes widen with a sudden thought. 

"Did you know?" I didn't mean it to sound like an accusation but my tone doesn't seem to want to listen to my brain. 

Bridget drops her head a little lower. It only takes a second for her to slightly shake her head no before she lifts her eyes to mine.

"No. But I suspected and I thought about telling you, but I had no proof. I couldn't come between you and Lucy on suspicion." she reaches her hand out and places it comfortingly on my arm. 

I want to tell her that she could have told me because it wouldn't have come between Lucy and I. If anything it might have made the reality that Miles and I really were never going anywhere sink in faster. 

Instead, I got swept away in my fantasy. I took the evidence that was laid in front of me and twisted it to reveal the truth that I wanted.

I shouldn't ask the next question that pops into my head because the answer shouldn't matter. I must be a glutton for punishment.

"How long do you think?" How long have I been torturing myself with fantasies of the impossible while he's been chasing the girl that is my beard?

"Miles started acting differently a few days after the carnival. Couldn't hang out anymore with these stupid, vague excuses -" my ringtone cuts off her words and I give her a sad smile as I fish it out of my pocket. 

Levi's name flashes across the screen but I don't want to talk to him right now, despite the way my heart just doubled its pace. I swipe ignore before tossing my phone into the cup holder. 

"I'm sorry for just showing up here," my hands scrub down my face as my phone starts ringing again. I don't even reach for it, knowing that it's probably someone I don't want to talk to. 

It's probably immature to ignore it but I feel like I have a right to be upset. That I should be able to drive home and lock myself up in my room for the rest of the day without having to confront anything today. 

"I'm sorry you had to find out that way. I can't say it doesn't bother me to find out, but I know I would be more hurt if he and I were still together," again, my phone starts ringing, making Bridget laugh, "Someone really wants to get a hold of you." 

"It's Lucy's brother. I kind of brought it up to Lucy's family by storming out of her house." 

"Good. Not that I'm bitter or anything," She laughs again before giving me a soft smile as she opens the car door, "you deserve better. We both do." With one last wave, she shuts the door and heads back into her house.

Bridget will never know how much in common we both have and how right she is. I found comfort in her, not because her ex just kissed my girlfriend, but because Bridget and I are in the same boat.

We are both having to come to terms with losing Miles. 

<3 <3 <3 <3 

Hello Beautiful readers!

What do you think? Is Brandon overreacting or does he have a right to feel upset by what happened?

Also, I have been thinking about if I should make a cast or not. Any ideas on who could be the following:

Brandon

Lucy

Miles

Levi

Gunner

Thanks for reading! 

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