Start from the beginning

Ain't I such a pathetic bastard? Falling in love with a man... a man who clearly has someone else in his heart.

"I pray for God to let me find him again in our next life. I don't wanna forget this love..."

"FUCK!!!", I screamed out in exhaustion as slump my exhausted body to the cold floor. I sighed. What a pathetic situation i have right now.

"I don't care. I DON'T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. I don't care if he still loves him. I don't care if in his heart, it always be him. I don't care getting hurt because of that. MY heart wants him. I want him so bad. I. NEED.HIM. I need him like the air that i breath."

This is suicide. I'm leading myself into a dark pit. There won't be a way to turn back..And if there even was..i know the journey will change me. Could I really have the courage to love a man? A man who has clearly someone in his heart? Isn't is pathetic and complete idiocy to compete against a memory? Was there ever a competition to begin with.. Plain simple STUPIDITY. And how it happened so fast? How did he turn me into this, ?

I buried my face unto my palms. I am a mess. My heart is fucking hurting right now. My mind is fucking tired finding all the reasons of why I shouldn't...

 But I don't care. I don't care how or when or why...Cause the truth is..I'm in pain without him. And I'll still be in pain if I stay with me. So where do I go???  

"ARGGHHHH...OHHH God....please help me. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee'.

I closed my eyes and his face is all I could see. When he smiles, when he's sad, when he is crying... and thinking of the possibility of not seeing him again tears my heart in million pieces.

I can't let that happen.

I got up and ran as fast as I possibly could. I went through the now darken pathway towards the lounge room, usually dad stays there before going to bed. I was panting when I reached him, sitting by the large wooden reclining chair, holding a magazine by the hand and a cup of steaming coffee by the table.

"Dad", I called him , standing just a few meters in front of him. He look up from the magazine he's reading and looked at me. I gulped down a couple of times, clenched my hand behind as to drown my nervousness

"I'm going to Bangkok tomorrow", somehow i've made my words clear despite the wild beating of my heart.

His face slowly curled up into a smile. He closes the magazine he's reading and gently put in by the table. "Do you have his address?", he asked calmly.

My heart stopped as I helplessly look at him. I don't have his address. The realization of it left me hopelessly rooted to the ground. Where would I find him?

"I have Dr. Phun's address, P", a voice of an angel reaches through my ears.

Nong Love smiles widely walking towards us, hugging a cute brown teddy bear in her arms. She's already in her pajamas. She may have come to kiss Dad goodnight. She stops by Dad's side and  gently pulled a pink sheet of stationery paper from the pocket of the jumper her teddy is wearing and handed it to me.

"I asked Dr. Phun to write his address. I wanted to know where I could send his tag back if I find it. I promise him, I'll find it for him".

I reached for the precious pink paper my lovely sister gave to me. I smiled at how fate is turning its favor on me. A tiny sprout of hope creeps its way into my heart. A ray of hope shines through..

Could it be a sign?

"Thank you, Nong". I couldn't contain my happiness and just gave this little angel a tightest hug. I looked at dad through my blurry sight. He was smiling back at me. I mouthed a thank you for him too.

"Wait for me Dr. Phun"

"I will come and love you the way you deserved to. I don't believe my love won't moved you. I will make you love me". And for the first time, the storm in my heart has finally calmed. Thinking i'll be seeing him again tomorrow, I lay in my slumber peacefully.


Author's Note:

Hello readers😂😂

Unrequited love or is it??? 😜

ideas racing in my mind right now, i can't wait......

Hope you'll have a great weekend . ill be busy this coming weeks (hu!hu!hu!) but i'll try to update (hopefully)

Again so much thank you for all your love shown.💓💓💓


Xee Yah ^_^

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