CHAPTER 45: DARE TO BE BRAVE

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"it might be the other way around", he continued. I look at him in confusion." I'm afraid I have failed as a father to you", he sadly stated.


I grasped at his words and my guilty conscience attacked me.  "No Dad, of course not. You are the best dad we could ever had."


"Then, if I am indeed the Best Dad, trust my love for you is bigger than you could have imagine. Don't underestimate a father's love.  Your smile is the most precious thing for me. Your happiness is what matters the most to me".


"Dad......", I've let the tears fall. I've been holding them up for days I'm afraid my heart would just stop any minute. I bawled like a little child in Dad's loving embrace. My heart's welling in mixed emotions that I finding it hard to breath. How lucky can I be to have blessed with this kind of love.


"Hush now, don't cry.", dad smiled at me as he held me by my shoulder . " If he can't love you back, then he is blind", I grasped at his words, I tried to say something but I'm left dumbstruck.


How did he know?


"Son... Dad knew before you even had a clue...", he winked at me. I feel my face warm, like a child caught off guard. I'm crying and laughing at the same time. I thank God for this wonderful and understanding man in front of me.


"Now..I've done my part. What to do next is up to you. We can't make the decision for you. It is yours and yours alone to make. Be brave my son... Loves comes to those who dare. "


Dad gave me a tight hug before he stood up . I smiled through my eyes watching my Dad walked away. Dad's words echoed through my senses.


Loves comes to those who dare.


Could I really be brave enough to dare???


My talk with Dad erases a great burden on me. He gave me his blessing. Now, the only question that remains is, do I have the courage to chase after him?


I have been in denial. I tried to reason out why I'm being like this. I was okay before he came and then he let me feel things that is so new to me. Before him, I was sure about myself. But he crumbles everything with just one look. Those eyes...those eyes that holds an indescribable sadness that has clawed its way into my heart.


A part of me is telling me what exactly I am feeling for him. But admitting it, is truly a great feat to conquer. How do i say to myself, that I, a grown up man,  have this weird feeling towards a person I've just met...a stranger if I may say... nevertheless that stranger is a man...


Am I gay???


This bothered me and  thinking about it racks my brain of its sanity. I was sure about myself and my preference. I have nothing against gays but I know I'm not. I have never felt this way towards other guys, its just on him. Why him?


"I am not letting go. I do not want to let him go", Dr. Phun's words played on my mind like a broken record on repeat.

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