It's been a month since Taylor's funeral. I still can't bring myself to go to her house and clean out her room. But today I have to. Amanda wants all of her things out of her room before she gets back from Los Angeles.
“It's no use crying what's done is done. It's time to move on with our lives.” Amanda said right after the funeral was over and everyone was gone.
She was one of those women who didn't have a maternal bone in her body. She wore designer everything, had platinum blond hair, $100 manicures, wore heels everywhere and thought the world owed her everything. Taylor, Trevor, and I had come up with the name “Devil Barbie” for her when we were 12. It seemed suiting.
Amanda is a horrible woman. She would leave Taylor and Trevor by themselves for extended periods of time. When she would come home it would only be for a day or so and then she would pack and be gone again. She had a revolving door of men in her life ever since Jonathan, the twin's Dad, died when they were young. After that she couldn't leave them alone because Jonathan put in his will that if she gave away the kids she wouldn't get any money. Jonathan was a big-time CEO for a company that he had built from the ground up.
I tore myself out of bed, put on the nearest sweat pants and band shirt that I found, threw my hair up in a bun and went on my way. Before I left my room I glanced in the mirror. I looked like a zombie. My auburn brown hair was a mess, my grey eyes were swollen from crying, I was pale and looked sick from lack of food. I didn't have much of an appetite since I found out, but today is something I have to do because I don’t want Trevor to do it alone. Too many memories. We figured it would be better for us to do it together instead of doing it alone.
I walked out into the living room and saw my mother in the kitchen making lunch. My mom look messy but she still wore makeup. Her brown hair was put up in a bun. She was wearing an old Def Leppard t-shirt and worn blue jeans. She must have been cleaning before she decided to make food. She saw me coming out of the room and came around the counter to give me a hug.
“How are you doing honey?” my mother had a look of concern on her face, but I soon dismissed it.
“No better than yesterday, but today I have to go over to Taylor's and start cleaning out her room with Trevor. Devil Barbie wants everything of Taylor's cleared out before she comes back from a business meeting in Los Angeles.” I said.
My mother rolled her eyes. “I hate that woman.”
“We all do.”
“Do you want me to drive you over there baby? I know this is hard for you. Taylor was like family.” She asked me.
“No mom, thanks though.” I walked towards the door and grabbed the keys off the hook. “Can I take your car? I think mine is still in the shop.”
“Sure honey! Be back before dinner!”
On the way to Taylor’s house, I thought about the last time she spent the night with me. We had watched Nightmare On Elm Street: Dream Warriors for the millionth time. She only loved this one because of Joey. The mute guy that had a crush on the nurse. He was her favorite character. We had pepperoni pizza, junk food, and were talking about how this school year would be amazing for us.
That night could have lasted forever. I wish it would have.
When I arrived at Taylor's house I half expected her to come open the door and give me a huge hug. When the realization hit that she isn’t going to, it felt like a punch in the gut. I've never felt more alone than I do right now. What do you do without your best friend? How do you go through life living a shadow of yourself? Why did she do this to me?