It’s been a month since my best friend's funeral. I can’t bear to go to her house and go through her things. Amanda just wants everything that ever reminded her of Taylor out of the house. “Its no use crying. What’s done is done. It’s time to move on with our lives.” Amanda said right after the funeral.
Amanda is a horrible woman. She wears name brand everything. Her hair is a fake platinum blonde, she wears fake nails, gigantic heels wherever she goes. If its flashy and expensive more than likely Amanda has it. She would leave Taylor and Trevor by themselves for extended periods of time. When she did come home it was long enough to pack some clothes and leave with a new boyfriend she'd met on the flight home.
I might as well get this over with.
“Mom I’m going to Taylor's to grab a few things. I’ll be back before dinner.” My mother looked at me sort of sad. She held out her arms and pulled me into a hug. Her curly brown hair was up in a bun. She was wearing an old Def Leopard t-shirt and worn blue jeans. She must have been cleaning.
“Do you want me to drive you over there baby? I know this is hard for you. Taylor was family.’ She released me from the hug.
“I’ll be fine mom. I'm just going through her things before the Wicked Witch of Edenbrook comes back. She’s going to get rid of all of Taylors stuff and told me to ‘grab whatever crap you want out of Tilly's room.’” I used air quotations to emphasize Amanda's words.
My mother's eyebrow raised. “Tilly?”
“She calls Taylor and Trevor, Tilly and Thomas.” I said.
“What is wrong with that woman?!” my mother yelled.
“Taylor once told me that Amanda never wanted kids. She married Johnathan for his money. When Johnathan died he stuck her with Trevor and Taylor.” I explained.
“And she didn’t give them to another family member, why?’ mom asked.
“If Amanda would have given them up she wouldn’t have gotten the inheritance Johnathan left them. Also, everyone in the family would have seen how horrible she actually was. She has to keep up appearances.”
“Uh huh. I see.” my mother rolled her eyes.
“Can I take the car? I think mine is still in the shop.” I called out to my mother.
“Sure honey! Be back before dinner!”
On the way to Taylor’s house, I thought about the last time she spent the night with me. We had watched Nightmare On Elm Street: Dream Warriors for the millionth time. She only loved this one because of Joey. The mute guy that had a crush on the nurse. He was her favorite character.We had pepperoni pizza, junk food, and were talking about how this school year would be amazing for us.
That night could have lasted forever. I wish it would have.
When I arrived at Taylor's house I half expected her to come open the door and give me a huge hug. When the realization hit that she isn’t going to, it felt like a punch in the gut. I've never felt more alone than I do right now. What do you do without your best friend? How do you go through life living a shadow of yourself? Why did she do this to me?
I had to stop and take a breath. I can’t come into her house like this. Taylor would say I’m being ridiculous. “Just come inside you big goof! Stop being so dramatic!” I can hear he say in my mind. I smiled a bit, grabbed the house key under the welcome rock and opened the door.
The house is quiet so I know Trevor isn’t home. I walked right past the living room and headed straight up the stairs for Taylor's bedroom. On her white bedroom door there is a note for me taped to the door from Trevor. It told me how he left some boxes for the things I'd be taking. I can only imagine how Trevor feels right now. I mean, Taylor was his twin sister. They’ve never been apart their whole lives.
I opened the door to Taylor's room and it feels like I’ve been smacked in the face. The room still smells like her. She always worse a brown sugar and vanilla perfume. She had found it once at the mall when we were kids. She was hooked on it ever since. I walked over to her bed and sat down. I noticed the boxes right by the door where Trevor left them. I snag one of them and scoot it towards me. I take in everything. I don’t want to forget her. Who she was, what she liked. Taylor was an amazing friend.
I looked over at her closet and start looking there. I see all of the clothes that she had. I feel a tear running down my face. Why am I not blubbering like an idiot? Am I broken? Did I not care about Taylor? No. That’s not possible she was like my sister.
I stood there standing in my own thoughts for so long I hadn’t even noticed someone come in the house. Trevor cleared his throat and snapped me out of my deep thinking.
“Hey, thought you would have this stuff sorted by now. I’ve been gone for 3 hours.” He said. Trevor was Taylor’s twin brother. They had the same features but looked different. His hair was the same shade of ash blonde as Taylor’s was. Their eyes were pools of forest green. Sometimes, I got lost in them.
“I’ve literally gotten nothing done Trev. I’ve been standing here thinking about her the whole time.” I paused. “I don’t think I can do this by myself.”
Trevor hugged me. We were never very close, but it’s nice to know that he was there for me. And I for him.
“I know how you feel.” He said. “Without her here its like I'm missing something. I’m always expecting to peek in here and see her laying on the bed reading a book or drawing like she used to.”
We broke from the hug and sat down for a minute. Both of us lost in thought.
“Why does Amanda need Taylor’s stuff out so soon? What’s the hurry?” I broke the silence.
“I overheard her saying that she wanted to turn Taylor’s room into an office for her job. She does that design thing remember?”
“What an inconsiderate bitch. How did you guys live with her for so long?” I asked.
We returned to the boxes and Taylor's things. Trever grabbed some markers from Taylor's desk and wrote: “Melanie” on some boxes and “Donation” on some others. Trevor helping out would help the process go by quickly. The room was almost finished when I looked under the bed. Trevor was bringing the packed boxes downstairs. I saw an envelope underneath her bed. I grabbed it and turned it over.
I lost my breath. The envelope had my name on it.
“What is that?” I heard Trevor’s voice pierce through the air.
I turned around and looked at him. He stood at the door, his face had a mix of shock and scared on it. He stepped closer to me keeping his eye on the envelope in my hand.
“What. Is. That?” He repeated.
“I…I don’t know. It has my name on it.”
“Is it from Taylor?” he asked.
I couldn’t speak so I just nodded. What could possibly be in here? Why does it have my name on it? These questions circled around in my head before I realized that Trevor had snatched it out of my hands. He was trying to open it.
I snatched it right back out of his hands. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“She was my sister. I need to know what she said.” He tried grabbing the letter again, but I stopped him.
“She wrote this letter to me. Not you. She wanted me to read it” I held the letter close to my chest. My body started to fill with anger. This was mine. She wrote this to me.
I put the letter in my pocket. “I’m going to read this when I get home.”
Trevor's face turned sour. He really wanted to read what was in the letter. Why is it so important to him? He lived with her. I turned to Trevor and told him that when I was done reading it, he could too.
“Fine.” Trevor retorted.