Chapter 21 - When you try so hard

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In love with a Yakuza

Chapter 21- When you try so hard

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I hated how what happened last time had not only affected Aiyana but it affected me. In so many ways than one, it felt like he was only shouting at her because he couldn’t do so with me. It felt that he lashed out at her because of my failures. But if he was so scared why didn’t he just write it down or something. Never humiliate someone like that, it was disrespectful and hurtful. It was felt like you were only being the biggest turd alive.

But I had managed to apologize and get along with her; I talked with her all day as much as I could. I don’t think I bothered her but deep down, it must have wounded her in such a bad way. I wanted to erase it but how I didn’t know. I hated how I was useless, but I managed to bring trouble along with me, this wasn’t fair.

So when the next day arrived, I had found a post waiting for me. I was curious who could be writing to me especially now? I knew grandfather wasn’t home as he was gone somewhere with his friends. But who else could write to me. I didn’t open the letter I was already late as it was, so I hoped I had time to check it. I had once again left earlier than anyone, I still shared the room with Hunter and I avoided anyone else, I didn’t bother talking I placed my headphones in all the time.

I was glad to have comfort music blasting in my ears; I wasn’t sure how long it was that I heard anything to calm me down. But I was glad of it; I placed the letter in my bag and headed off to school again. I hoped I bumped into the girl, or she found me, I liked talking to someone besides the boys for instant. It made me feel like I had girls as friends and not just boys. I know the girls in the other blocks look at me with envy there was nothing to be envious about. It was like being trapped either way I hated it.

It was early in the morning and I had managed to get in time, I had the most boring math’s lesson ever. I kept yawning, I blamed Hunter for waking me up he was on the phone and I was a light sleeper anyway. I probably looked like a monster in this uniform my hair unkempt. Well I tried making it better it wasn’t my fault it had gone a bit awry. I sighed, and packed up after the lesson ended I saw across the windows, the middle school students and my anger flared up again. I really need to calm down I never knew I was so hot headed.

It was lunch; hours in class didn’t help me with life. I had so much on my mind I was just so confused. I remembered I had the letter in my hands, and I was contemplating whether to open it or not. I found a seating area under the shade; it was a lovely day humid enough. I was boiling under this sweater but I didn’t dare to remove it. The shade was lovely enough I had sat down with the letter in front of me, it was hefty but I wondered who sent it.

I ripped it open and a yellow coloured paper fell out, two pieces of writing and I was reading. And my eyes welled up with so many tears. She wrote to me, my best friend had written to me once again. And I couldn’t help but have my tears fallen on to the piece of paper. It felt so relieving to hear from her, I thought I would never hear from her again. Or better yet she had forgotten about me, I was crying so much while I read I worried the paper would get damp.

“I hope you are well and smiling Blair. I miss you every day you have no idea its nice here in the countryside I’ve met some lovely people. Nothing compares to you I am sorry I haven’t written in so long please forgive me”

I choked and laughed, she was so silly sometimes. I read the letter in her tone of voice, and it filled my tears again but I was smiling.

I forgot t mention I have mended with my dad it’s lovely seeing my brother again too, I miss you of course I hope everyone is treating you right and not using you. Please be brave I am sad that I was never there I hope deep down you aren’t troubled”

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