When three idiots and a ghost celebrated

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Mid-season finale theme song: Nine In The Afternoon by Panic! At The Disco


"I want the chocolate one! Chocolate! Chocolate!"

"It's not about what you want, Coops, but what Rags would want," Archer said. "Sky, you really didn't hear what kind of cake she likes during your dinner date with her?"

"Yeah, because a person's cake preference is the first thing on my list to talk about during a date. And it wasn't a date, just dinner between two friends."

"Alright, whatever. Well, we do know she likes banana bread. So maybe that one with the bananas on top would be good."

Cooper frantically shook his head. "B-But, Arch!"

"This is for Rags. No buts," Archer said sternly.

"Not even my own butt?"

"We already used that joke six chapters ago—"

Skyler forced out a loud cough which made Archer immediately zip his mouth.

"Oh, d-did I say chapters? I meant ch-chocolate! Yeah, let's go get that one with the bananas and chocolate."

While this was going on, Rags stayed home alone. She'd been feeling down ever since that morning, what with her painful dream and the realization she'd gotten from staring at her own portrait. The three guys took note of this and decided to do something to cheer her up. But they wanted it to be a surprise, leaving her with a simple, "We need some guy time today. Have fun on your own." Of course, as usual Cooper added, "Keep Mr. Sprinkles company while we're gone," to which the cat replied, "Fuck your company. I don't even want you breathing in the same room as me, if you breathe at all, you freeloading bedsheet."

Rags spent the next few hours mindlessly watching cartoons on TV. She didn't want to think about anything. But it didn't help that there was a show on about a little brother scientist and his disruptive ballerina older sister. Even though their personalities weren't the same, just the idea of siblings in general reminded Rags about Alex. Despite what she might have felt about him while still alive, at this moment, she missed him more than anybody else. She wondered when she could see him again.

"No more crying," she told herself as soon as tears began to pool in her eyes, which she was now aware were a pale blue.

"Okay, guys. Everything's set according to plan, right?" Archer said once he and his friends arrived in front of their apartment.

"We had a plan for this?" Skyler asked.

"Yeah, remember? On the count of three, barge through the door screaming, and then you and Coops can throw the confetti while I present the deathday cake."

"I still can't believe you got the baker to write 'Happy Deathday, Rags' on that cake. Did you see the way he looked at us on our way out like we were crazy?"

"He probably just thought we were a bunch of college kids playing a prank. It'll be fine, Sky. Anyways, let's get this cake and celebration lit already!"

Rags was in the middle of watching a cartoon about a talking purple dog with major anxiety issues when she heard the front door being unlocked. She stood up and approached the door. "The guys must be back—"


Skyler and Cooper rushed into the apartment like a couple of barbarians. While Skyler threw the rainbow confetti in the air like he was supposed to, Cooper got a little too excited and threw them at Rags's face. The colorful material went straight through her, some landing inside her feet.

Switching her gaze from her friends to the confetti on the ground, she asked, "Um, what's all this about?"

Archer entered, holding the chocolate banana cake with one candle lit on top. Then, the three men began to sing on the top of their lungs, "Happy deathday to you! Happy deathday to you! Happy deathday to Rags! Happy deathday to you!"

Rags got the cue afterwards to blow out the candle. Unfortunately, her breath couldn't be felt by anyone or anything, including the flame. Cooper gladly stepped in and blew it out for her.

"Thanks, guys," Rags said, touched to see what everyone was really up to today. "But deathday? What is this?"

Archer explained, "We realized it's been exactly one week since you started living with us, so of course we have to celebrate. We don't know how long you'll be with us, but I honestly wish we can have many more deathdays to come. You've really grown on us, Rags."

Smiling, Cooper added, "Yeah, like having a ghost friend is the best thing to happen to me all year! Well, maybe minus getting violated by Margaret. Nah, you're even better than that."

Skyler simply shrugged. "You're alright, I guess."

"Thank you..." 

Rags couldn't stop herself from crying. All the emotions she had suppressed throughout the day came piling in at once. But it was happiness that stood out the most this time. To think at first, she hated the idea of having to live under the same roof as three guys. Now, she wouldn't have it any other way. This was her home. 

"I bet you'll cry of joy even more once you taste this cake," Archer said, "The bakery we bought it from has the best reviews in the entire city. You can't be disappointed."

"But how am I supposed to eat it?"

Passing Skyler a mischievous grin, Archer replied, "There's only one person in the room who said he refused to eat any of the cake due to flavor reasons. Now, I think that's a major waste of a perfectly functional stomach. Sky, grab Coops's left side! I got his right!"

"Huh, what—" Before Cooper could figure out what was going to happen to him, his two friends already dragged half his body out the door.

"Hurry, Rags!" Archer shouted.

The ghost slowly walked towards the blonde. She momentarily pushed aside any sense of morality regarding the situation, blinded by the idea of getting to eat cake topped with her favorite fruit. "Sorry, Coops. This is for the greater good."

"W-Woah, wait a minute! You don't want to do this, Rags! Bananas are evil! Possess Arch instead! He enjoys having bananas in his body! Don't put that long slippery thing inside me!!!"

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