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Ethan's POV
It's hard without her they days seemed harder to get through so I slept . College was kicking my ass with football practice , and classes kept bombarding me with homework . I breakdown at least 1 time a day  . She doesn't escape my mind . She is tattooed in it forever . I'll see her walk to her classes and I'll smile knowing that she's ok . But then I breakdown and remember I'm not and she's not we may seem like it on the outside but we're not ok on the inside. On the inside walls come crashing down one by one and each time it keeps getting closer to us .

I've lost every friend that was important to me . All I have is my family and my home . Inside I feel dead like there's nothing else to the world . 
After she left and after what I did to her life seems so depressing and cold . Sometimes I feel like I just don't want to be here but I know she doesn't want to see me in a coffin while cries out my name wishing for me to wake up when I can't . 

There's a party tonight and I'm going to attend just to try to get my mind of off everything for at least 3 hours .  I'm heading to the frat house with Grayson . He seems excited and is trying to get me excited but I'm not cheering up so I give him a quick smile for his effort. We arrive and as we walk in we get greeted by Brad Johnson the captain of the baseball team .

"What's up Dolans !" He greets us .

"What's up Johnson ."we  responded .

"Come I'm and enjoy the party the alcohol is in the kitchen with the food . Have fun and I'll be hanging out over there if there's any problems tell me . Well that's it enjoy ." He said before he sped off with his friends.

Grayson leaves to got with the football team and I just got to the kitchen to get a drink.
I decided to get a beer I don't want to wake up with a badass headache tomorrow.  I sit at the bar table and see everyone having a good time while I'm still crying over a girl .  I get up to take a seat outside on a long lounge chair.

I'm scrolling through Instagram liking pictures trying to get my mind off of everything. I tap my foot to the beat as the song plays . I look around at the wasted teenagers everywhere I turn . I start to notice the couples. They are so happy and excited that they're together. It seems almost as if they're worry free. They don't sleep alone at night . They don't feel alone because they have someone that makes them feel wanted . They don't live a sad and cold life .

I get up and go back to the kitchen to get another beer. As I'm getting a beer I see Mary walk in . I take a seat on the stools. And just admire her presence here at the party . I noticed one thing different about her . She's smiling but after she smiles it fades into a frown . I get more and more beers trying to take this pain away. The thought of being alone is killing me right now .

She is sitting on the couch all by herself her friends ditched . She looks lonely and sad . I went over to her .

"Hey." I said .

She stays silent .

"Sooo.... it looks like your friends ditched." I kept talking.

She stayed silent again.

Then I saw she had headphones on . I decided to walk away I don't want to start any problems with her . I went and grabbed 4 more beers .












4hours later

I'm completely wasted my words are just slurring . All I feel is pure pain and regret all night I tried to have fun but it doesn't work .
I kissed 3 girls but nothing has worked . I'm stuck on her even if I'm totally wasted she never seems to stop crossing my mind . I wonder if I cross hers . I need her to get out of my mind . But I love her . But she needs to get out ! But I need her ! I need to forget her ! The memories are too good to let go .

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