Her Moonchild

19

Namjoon's POV

"What is this? A sudden meeting?" an awkward laugh escaped my mouth as I enter the room. The atmosphere was eerily silent it's starting to scare me a little.

Our last concert for the month has just ended and we just came home from the arena.

Yeah, our last concert was in Seoul and I was surprised to see each member coming inside of my room instead of taking a rest on theirs - Jimin, coming over even though his house is just beside us.

Nine of them responded to my question and I'm starting to sweat real bad before I decided to seat on the empty chair with my members sprawled on each side of the room.

Did I mess up?

"What's this about?" I can't help but asl once again, and Jin hyung, even though he seemed playful every time, we know when he was being serious and when we need to listen to our older member.

"You, Namjoon," he stated and even Jungkook was looking serious, I started rubbing my palms with each other to ease the tension.

"What about me?" I asked trying to play it cool but I know it's not working.

"We're losing you Namjoon. You're not okay and we know it. You know it. You're bottling up everything to yourself. We know you're having a hard time. Namjoon-ah..." I heard Yoongi hyung before clearing his throat. "We're here for you. We can't let you break down on your own,"

"I-" I was at loss for words.

Of course, they would notice.

My eyes landed on Hoseok and a sincere smile formed on his lips.

"We're here to listen. Whether it's about a family problem, Bangtan, Kaizan, or whatever it is that is bothering you. We're going to listen. Share us the pain Namjoon. Share us the burden. It's okay not to do it all alone sometimes." he stated and a painful expression shows on my face, my eyes on the ground.

And then it clicks me. I know I had a breakdown with them before but it was me holding back.

Why didn't I realize that they will soon notice that I wasn't myself?

We have been together for so long we can even recognize each other's presence even with mere silence.

"I messed up, right? We're having a meeting like this because my love life is slowly wrecking me. And it's affecting everything..." I mumbled, "I shouldn't be focusing on it. I am your leader but I am disappointing you guys and our fans," I added and Jimin laughed a little.

"Hyung, it's not like it's a sin to fall in love. It's okay. You're human. And everyone falls in love, gets hurt and goes over relationship problems like everybody else. Stop thinking that just because you're Bangtan's leader means that you have to sacrifice everything. We'll feel bad if you do that," he stated and I looked at him confused.

"This, wouldn't me being like this, emotionally unstable, hurt the team?" I exclaimed.

We've worked hard for this. Jimin already had a scandal and me adding it up might bring us near the cliff with our careers.

Taehyung pouted. "Hyung, stop thinking about Bangtan for once. Before Bangtan, there is you - Kim Namjoon. What's the point of all of this if we're going to lose Namjoon because you're too focused on thinking about how being RM of BTS is who you are? From what I can see, you are identifying two lives of your own. But you're both the same person, hyung. Namjoon is what makes RM, so stop thinking that they are different. You were thinking of losing Kaizan now because RM needs to focus on his career. But it's not like that. RM needs Kaizan too.  Because RM and Namjoon is just the same person. My words may not be clear now but do you get me? Why am I bad at explaining, oh God..."

Jimin and Jungkook chuckled laughed over Taehyung's conflicted state. And the rest were smiling.

"So, what we were trying to say is that you don't need to sacrifice yourself for us. Jimin have Chaeyoung and Ashton. It's not like anybody can top what Jimin did. We've come this far. Live your life. That's the least you can do for yourself." Yoongi hyung chuckled.

"Hyung, you're so mean. You weren't answering Kaizan's calls. You do realize what you are doing to her right? Because we can all see how much you are hurting too by doing that," Jungkook scoffed.

My shoulders slumped at his words.

A few days ago, I've decided to give the two of us the space we both deserve we're hurting each other even more but I guess doing this means hurting us even more.

She must have been worried, and hurt

I scold myself for being careless.

I love Kaizan. I fucking love her so much not being with her is starting to wreck me.

"Namjoon, it's fine, we got your back. So go and do something about your problem because I am so tired of hearing you sigh every now and then," Jin hyung laughed and I relaxed a little.

Right. I am not alone. I have my brothers with me.

A smile now emerged on my lips.

So I've decided. I'm going to fix this.

With a new resolve in mind, I pulled out my phone and dialed her number.

First ring...

Second....

Third....

The guys were watching me the entire time and I'm starting to get anxious.

On the sixth ring, she answered and I started rambling, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not answering your calls. I'm sorry for being a jerk. I'm sorry for hurting you but please let me make up to you." I probably looked so stupid right now and my members would probably tease me to no end after this but I no longer care. I need to do this.

For myself.

"I'm going to book a flight so we can talk in perso-"

"Namjoon," she cut me off and I was startled.

"Don't book a flight. It's too late," all the blood on my face gets drained on my body, her words piercing my heart deep it probably stopped beating.

Am I too late?

Did I really fuck up this time?