You're so Vein

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"So sorry about that," the store clerk says, seemingly oblivious to the fact we're totally about to wipe his shitty little store out of inventory

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"So sorry about that," the store clerk says, seemingly oblivious to the fact we're totally about to wipe his shitty little store out of inventory. He's going to lose his job over this, but do I feel bad about it? Fuck no! I've read his thoughts. Suffice it to say Lisa and I are fulfilling a number of fantasies for him.

"I totally get it," Lisa says, already out of the undies and climbing back into the security of her billowing skirts. "Do you still have the cup?"

"I gave it to Santos to hide."


"Yeah, Santos. I asked him to hang onto it for a bit. Diana has such a fucking crush on him she'll never think to ask him where it went."

"Good call." Lisa throws the monster dongs onto our pile. "So ... how is Sarah adjusting to the V life?"

I shrug, still staring into the mirror in a vain attempt to catch a glimpse of myself. Man I miss my reflection. That's the biggest drawback to this whole vampire thing: I have no idea how I look. I have to depend on Lisa or Diana to do my makeup and describe my outfits, which is really terrible, because Lisa and Diana don't know shit about hair and makeup. They don't get what I'm trying to do, which, in reality, is the real reason I was so desperate to turn Sarah—she and I have similar tastes. "I don't know how Sarah's taking it. I haven't talked to her yet."

"Wait ... you haven't talked to her since you turned her?" Lisa asks. "Are you serious?"


Lisa groans theatrically. "You're making her go through the transition solo? Dude, that's brutal."

"I texted her," I say, feeling a pang of annoyance. "Waiting to hear back."

"Jesus," Lisa says. "That's fucking terrible. Remind me never to date you."

"Fine ... I'll text her again," I say, still staring at the mirror. Man I miss my face. I miss seeing myself. It's really hard to be a sexy bitch when you have no idea what you look like!

"You need help during the transition," Lisa continues. "I don't think I would have survived my transition if Diana wasn't there to guide me."

Dumb prude is now completely dressed and waiting for me, twitching and tapping her foot. I sigh. Man I can't wait until Sarah has officially joined the crew. I mean, Lisa's great and all, but not the person to bring on these trips.

"Do you have everything we need for the party?" I ask as I slip back into my jeans.

"I think so," Lisa says.

"I hope Diana won't be pissed that I'm planning my own party," I say. "I should have mentioned it. I hate feeling like I'm lying to her."

Lisa's phone buzzes. She pulls it out of her bag and checks it.

"Speaking of Diana," Lisa says, "she's calling."

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