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It's now been three months since the Cullen's left. Everything has gone to shit and even more is getting destroyed.

I'm sure my dad is getting close to giving up on me, I don't blame him. He has been trying I just don't see the point.

I started to go to school again, I still wanted to graduate. At school everyone treated me like I was made of glass. I only sat at the Cullen's table with Bella, she sat in Edwards seat with me in Jasper's but we never talked.

I know I want to be mad at him, mad at all of them but I can't bring myself to it. I would do anything to feel his arms around me one last time.

I felt like crap for letting him get to me like that, was I weak? I think I am but I don't want to be. Everything just has been going wrong.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. I ran downstairs and swung it open revealing Jacob.

"What are you doing here?" I exclaimed slowly looking down. I looked like a mess I can't eat or sleep, I either get sick and throw it up or have nightmares.

"You and Embry need each other." He stated looking like he didn't want to believe it, looking me up and down and taking in my disheveled figure.

"I don't need anybody." I responded trying to not expose myself as weak. I pulled my hand and shoved the door to close but his foot stopped it.

"That is bullshit." He figured pulling the door wide open, letting himself in.

"If you just came here to say that you can leave." I stated feeling exposed pointing to the door.

"You and Embry need each other." He repeated looking up at me to meet my blue eyes.

"I know, but it just won't work, friends or not." I responded my eyes watering, trying to end the conversation.

"Sam won't approve of it and I don't want him to get in trouble." I continued solemnly, picking at my nails.

"Fuck what Sam says!" He yelled coming up to me, obviously upset.

"He is killing himself! And by the looks of it you are too!" Jake yelled grabbing my arm and leading me outside.

"Then let me die!" I screamed and cried out causing him to let go of my arm.

"..don't say that!" He yelled back, madly coming up to me.

"Why? Because everything just got a little too real?" I questioned my tears still flowing like a river.

"Because you don't just get to give up! Everyone has to live through this hell, no taking the easy way out!" He yelled out, pulling my arm till we were by his bike.

"..I haven't been able to make my own descions in a while, this is what I have. Don't you dare take it." I stated, scarily calm.

"..get on you need to see something." He stated, getting on his bike. I got on behind him and instantly felt a pang in my chest remembering Jasper and I on his bike.

Jake like Embry and the others of the pack were freaking warm and it felt nice I leant my head against his back from the cold, chippy wind.

He started going a little too fast and my hands would tighten around his waist, suddenly it just became too much.

"..Stop!" I shouted as we went around a curve in the road but the reservation. Jake stopped and I hopped off the bike, going to the railing blocking from the water.

Tears started to flow fastly down my cheeks and breathing picked up as I slid down the side of the railing.

It felt like I was just cracking under pressure, my hands and legs shaking trying to keep me from completely falling on my ass.

"..Hey! Hey listen to me, you need to breath." Jake stated grabbing me in his arms and pulling me to him so I could feel his chest rise and fall.

"In 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. hold 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. out 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7." He continued calmy repeating this to me before my breathing calmed, and synced to his words.

"..you really are a mess aren't you?" Jake asked once I was able to breath again as he helped me stand up.

"Thanks Jake." I exclaimed weakly walking back over to his bike, sarcasm dripping from my mouth.

"As I said before you guys need each other." He stated getting back on the bike.

He was interrupted by a scream coming over from the cliff that leads into the water.

"..what are they doing?" I asked avoiding Jake's previous statement. The guys were screaming but it looked really fun.

"Cliff jumping.. it's just some stupid thing Quill and Seth do." He answered, looking at me before motioning I get on.

I got on the back of the bike, allowing my arms to wrap around his waist once again. He sped off, continuing towards the reservation.

It didn't take long to arrive, but the second we hopped off he once again grabbed my wrist and lead me to an area.

We arrived to a house and Jake told me to stay at the door, a few minutes later he ran out, freaking out.

"where is Embry!?" He shouted out to everyone around the reservation, running around the areas looking for him.

"He is in the house." Sam stated not realizing that's where Jake just looked for him, not without giving me a large glare.

"What is she doing here!?" He yelled out coming up to me and Jake, Jakes body went infront of me gaurding me from Sam.

"I brought her here." Jake answered calmly, only making Sam more furious.

"You brought the leeches girlfriend here?!" He screamed out, causing all eyes from around to land a glare on me.

"Her and Embry need each other!" Jake argued before grabbing my hand and dragging me back to his bike as it was getting extremely dark.

".. what's going on? Where is Embry?" I questioned, slightly panicking.

"The pack will find him.. Clove he needs you." Jake stated slowly meeting my eyes as he got back on his bike allowing me to get on so he could take me home.

The ride home was quiet, and dark. It felt like it was five minutes due to me processing everything in my head.

"Thanks Jake." I thanked after hoping off his bike, and not just for the ride.

".. I'll let you know when we find him." He exclaimed before riding off, clearly upset with Sam.

I walked up to my door, opened it and locked it before going up to my room. I entered and instantly grabbed my laptop getting ready to 'write Alice' it made have been useless but it made me feel like I had things in order.

"Hey Alice, I'm still missing you. Frankly I'm starting to give up. I have tried to contact you all in so many ways. I don't think this pain is ever going to stop.

Embry is missing, Jake came to my house and brought me to the Rev to see him but they think he ran off.

Everything just feels pointless now, I don't want to eat cuz I can't hold it down, I don't want to sleep because I'll have nightmares of you all leaving me again. It just hurts so much.

I got put back on antidepressants but it's okay, this time I'm actually taking them. I've also got put back on sleeping pills which I can't take, I can barley look at the bottle it's too tempting.

Alice I need help, and no doctor can give it to me.. I need Jasper, once again tell him I love him.

I don't know if you guys hate me for talking with the wolves, but I already kinda think you hate me. If you didn't why would you leave? it's okay though.. because Ive come to hate me too"

I hit send missing the notification again before closing my laptop, sadly the notification only stays up for five seconds on the email page. How oblivious and blind am I?

I curled up onto my bed in an attempt to get some sleep, but it didn't stick. Before I knew it I was a sobbing mess, all of my pent up emotions coming out over Jasper, over Embry and over Alice. When did my life get so fucked up?

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