It was a nightmare it had to be.
You woke up your heart racing feeling like it was going to burst out of your chest. The sweat dripping from your forehead, yet you were shivering. You opted out of the dance because doing things without him was hurtful. A nap had always been more your style especially these days when your insomnia seemed to take over. Your nightmares kept you awake any sleep you got was a miracle.
You sat up wiping the sweat off with your sweater sleeve. You hated these vivid nightmares, hoping that's all they were, nightmares. Something in your heart just hoped that maybe just maybe he was still alive and well somewhere away from this horrid town.
Those thoughts pushed away as your father entered your room. You caught the look in his knowing the news you were about to receive. He sat in bed next to you as he revealed that Jason's body was found in Sweetwater River. He was gone, he was finally gone, no more hoping he was alive. Much to your dismay the story was everywhere, your best friend was murdered, and the asshole who did the deed was nowhere to be found.
He was shot.
The sound made you shudder, maybe you weren't there, but the sound felt fresh in your ears and you couldn't escape it.
Who would somebody do that to him and why? You didn't know. What did Jason do? What did the person want to accomplish murdering your best friend? But you couldn't handle it anymore. You'd never see his charming smile, his crappy jokes. The person who you had formed a strong bond with since your childhood was gone. Tears started dripping out of your eyes as if their life depended on them.
The weekend was over, it was time to go to school. To roam the halls without him next to you. Sure you had other friends, but no one could compare to Jason Blossom.
You looked into the mirror the bags under eyes revealing your lack of sleep and your nonstop crying. You almost crawled back in bed, but you couldn't hide in your room forever. Walking into your closet choosing a black sweater he had gotten you for your birthday. As you placed on you were about push your sleeves up when you saw your handiwork. This weekend was hard and the razor sharp blade helped you realize that this weekend wasn't a nightmare. The scar was fresh and you hid them and made your way to school.
You swore people were looking at you, at the bags under your eyes, that the color of your skin seemed to drain as well. Whispering making its way through the little cliques. You were so distracted that you didn't realize the red-haired boy made his way towards you, you almost lost it, he reminded you too much of Jason.
"Hey (Y/N), How are you?" Archie gave you a sad smile as he pulled you in a small hug.
A tear dripped from your eye as he pulled away, he was reminding you too much of Jason, you couldn't do it. You didn't want anyone to see you have a freak out so you made a run for it. The closest place being the empty girl's locker room.
Archie almost ran your way, but someone stopped him, someone who maybe felt the same loss you felt.
"I got her Arch" Cheryl spoke bravely as she opened the door to the locker room seeing you crying in your hands coiled up in one of the benches.
"Hey (Y/N)" Cheryl spoke shyly as she sat next to you.
"I'm sorry Cher, I just I don't know how to do this without him" you cleaned up your tears.
"I was his sister, his twin (Y/N)" she spoke a bit coldly and you grew confused and hurt.
"I know that, I- I didn't mean to" she cut you off.
"Oh no I get you, you were his friend, but me (Y/N) I was his sister. I am also a Blossom so I can't look pathetic or else people will talk" she kept on and you grew even more hurt "Look (Y/N) he's gone, he can't come back, so do yourself a favor and stop dwelling in the past."
Here you sat hoping that maybe she was going to comfort you. That maybe Jason's loss would somehow help you two connect or least maybe she'd stop hating you. You wondered how she could function with him gone. She said it best he was her brother, he was always there for her. You heard the stories you often watch them unfold as The Blossoms favored Jason more than Cheryl. She was never fond of you because Jason spent time with you, time he didn't spend with her. Jason always tried to get you both to hang out, he wanted his two girls to like each other.
The bell rang, you waited a while to get to class because you didn't want to face anyone. You washed your face so the puffiness of your crying didn't show so much and made your way to class.
You started to shut everyone out, your friends grew worried, but also respected the fact that you wanted your space. Any day going to school they tried to get you to contribute to their lunch conversations, but your mouth stayed shut.
What the point of living without him.
It got to the point where you skipped lunch and snuck into the library and hid yourself from all of them. You started cutting more often to release the pain. Your wardrobe was only long sleeve clothing. The color of your skin felt like it was losing its pigment. Your eyes were lifeless, the bags under eyes covered with the bit of makeup you wore just to cover up your pain. Your appetite grew small until it was no more. You started to lose weight, everyone was worried about you.
You looked dead.
You caught the eyes of one of Jason's friends, Reggie Mantle. You knew him, you often hung out with him thanks to Jason. You had worked with him for a school project recently, it was a while since you had smiled and somehow Reggie helped ease a bit of the pain; but sadly not all of it. Recently he was the only one who didn't get the memo you wanted to be alone. He even let you hold his hand during the funeral to help you get through it in one piece.
With the recent current events Reggie sure missed Jason, he missed his friend and teammate. Something that he missed the most though was the smile that used to take place on your face. He missed how you were the only last good thing in Riverdale. He hated how you were in pain and it seemed that all his efforts weren't working. He missed the light in your eyes, if only you knew how much you meant to him. He remembered when he started crushing on you he felt terrible because he thought you were with Jason. Jason went out of his way to get you two together, but it never happened. You both didn't know why since you returned those feelings.
Now your mind wasn't occupied in crushes no matter how amazing Reggie was being. Your depression was at an all-time high. You couldn't bear it anymore. The cutting wasn't helping anymore and you were tired of the pills.
You were tired.
Tired of living.
You decided on something, you wanted to be Jason again. You made it seem as if you got better, you fake smiled and started to contribute to your friends conversations. You pretended to be the person you used to be. You wanted the image you were showing to be how your family and friends remembered you. You even gave one of your most prized possession that Jason gave you to Cheryl. You went on a few more dates with Reggie, you didn't take it too far though; you couldn't live with yourself if you hurt him.
You decided on a day, you left a letter for your parents at home, and you sent a message to your friends. You made sure you sent it at a moment when they were all together.
They sat in a booth at Pops, you asked them to meet you there knowing well enough you weren't going to show up. You just wanted them to be together. No one deserves to be alone at this time, you didn't want to hurt them; but this is all you could think of. The group coincided with Archie, Kevin, Betty, Veronica, Jughead, Cheryl, and Reggie.
The thought of them together made you smile, you sure as hell were going to miss each one of them.
"Where is she?" Reggie broke the conversation that was taking place. Betty was about to speak up when they all received the text.
(Y/N) Messaged 'The Sad Breakfast Club':
Thank you guys, you have made my time amazing and I couldn't ask for better friends than you, but I'm gonna be with Jason now. ❤❤❤❤❤
They all stood up and got out of Pops.
"Where would she go to be with Jason?" Reggie fidgeted.
"Sweetwater River" Jughead added and so they ran, hoping to be on time to rescue you. They arrived to the river wanting to find you as quickly as possible. They all separated in hopes to get you sooner.
"There she is" Cheryl shouted and the ice cracked and you fell right in.
The water was freezing, the current took you.
Reggie ran as fast as he could and they all followed.
"The current has her" Betty grew scared.
"Fan out" Kevin added.
"Over here" Veronica yelled.
Reggie ran towards it, trying to break the glass, Archie helped as well.
The cold water taking effect, you started to lose consciousness. Water started to fill your lungs, you swore in those last moments you saw Jason.
You missed him, but was this the right thing to do?
They were successful in breaking the glass. You were out, Reggie's hand dripping blood as he settled your body on the ice. He gave you CPR trying to get a pulse and get the water off your lungs as the others had notified the hospital.
"Come on baby, breathe for me" Reggie kept trying a tear steamed down his face.
"The ambulance should be here soon" the others notified, but Reggie kept trying.
They all watched as Reggie tried his best and winced at the look of your arms at the scars you had tattooed on yourself.
Soon the water escaped your mouth, and you started to cough it out and trying to regulate your breathing.
Reggie and the rest of the group sighed in relief you were alive and you heard the sirens coming closer.
The tall handsome caramel skinned boy saved your life. He took off his sweater and wrapped it around you and carried you bridal style closer to the ambulance as it arrived.
"Thank you" you smiled at Reggie looking into his eyes.
"I couldn't lose you too" he spoke as he placed his lips on yours.
Those lips electrified your body you forgot what it felt like to actually feel alive. All the pain in that moment was no longer there, with one simple passionate kiss he washed it all away.
You both pulled away as the paramedics place you on a gurney.
The hospital called your parents and your friends were awaiting for the clear to see you.
You weren't ready to explain your reasoning to everyone. Yes you did what you did, it was a planned, but impulsive move and you felt terrible for putting everyone on edge. Thankfully Reggie snuck into your room to talk to you, he was tired of waiting.
"Hey" Reggie scratched his neck making his way next to you.
"Hi" you smiled "listen I'm so sorry about-" he cut you off by kissing you once again, the familiarity of them made your stomach go crazy.
"It's okay (Y/N/N), you missed Jason, we all do; but he meant a great deal to you. I just feel bad that none of us could change your mind" he frowned.
You reached your hand to his and intertwined your fingers. He looked down at them and caressed your scars and he started to cry.
"It's not your fault Reg, this was all me. I suppressed everything because I didn't want to deal with it, I didn't want to burden anyone with my pain. I made myself think I had nobody when I clearly don't" you cupped his cheek and cleaned his tears.
"You Mantle and the ones out there, you all saved me. I miss Jason and sadly I'll never have him in my life anymore, but I do have some amazing friends and I wish I would've seen that sooner."
"I don't want to be your friend (Y/N)" Reggie replied and you pulled your hands away shocked at his revelation "No, no (Y/N), I want to be more than friends, I always have" he collected your hands once again and placed a kiss on your knuckles.
"I'd like that" you smiled.
You kissed one last time only to be interrupted by your friends. Cheryl being the one who ran in and pulled you in a warm embrace, then the rest all followed and did a full on group hug. And you couldn't help but smile like a fool because clearly you weren't alone.