"Trey, I told you, if you weren't ready to come back, you didn't have to. I know what you're going through can't be easy" Troy said as he sat next to me at the soundboard. I was trying to record a verse for a feature that I was doing for one of my artists, but I couldn't focus. It's been almost two months since we lost Aleigha, and I haven't heard from Chanel since she left the house a little over a month ago.
I called her countless times, but I was always sent to voicemail, and whenever I tried to get through to her through one of her parents, or my mom, that was also a failure.
"I just need to do anything to get my mind off of this shit man. I just feel like I'm going crazy man, I'm in that big ass house by myself, and everything reminds me of Chanel."
"You tried to talk to her?"
"Everyday man, I think my numbers blocked at this point."
"Damn man," Troy said shaking his head "You really fucked up huh?" he said hitting me on my shoulder
"You have no idea," I said, running my hands down my face.
"So what are you gonna do?"
"I don't know what to do. I want my wife back, but I just feel like I need to give her this space right now. I don't wanna suffocate her. With everything that I've done these past few months, she deserves that much"
"You think she's gonna leave for real?" he asked sounding doubtful
"Before she left she told me she needed time to figure out if she wanted a divorce or not"
"Damn," he said blowing out a breath "I know it's rough, but I don't think she's gonna leave you, man. She loves you, and you two have been through a lot, I don't think she would give up on that"
"I don't know Troy. This time is different, I basically abandoned her at the worst time. She blames me for losing the baby, how do I even come back from that?"
"I don't know, but I know you love her and I know you're not gonna give up. You can't" I nodded taking in everything he said before trying to refocus my energy on the music.
"So how have you been baby girl? It's been a while." Brittany said as we sat across the table from each other at this new Mexican Grille place she had found.
"I know, I'm sorry I've been so distant," I said regretfully. I hadn't seen Brittany or anybody really, since the memorial service for Aleigha. I tried to get back to work, but I just couldn't focus. Before going to my parent's house, I decided to take a trip to Jamaica by myself just to get a break. Though I was still in mourning, I really enjoyed just being away from everyone and their pity.
"Oh, girl, you do not have to apologize. I couldn't imagine going through what you've gone through"
"It's just so hard to come to grips with everything still. Like I went through all of that, for nothing. I did everything that I could have possibly done, and I still failed"
"Babe, you can't blame yourself for this. It's just that Aleigha wasn't meant for this earth. You and Trey can always try again"
"Britt, I don't even know where Trey and I stand right now. I haven't spoken to him since I left the house"
"So what are you gonna do? You gonna keep avoiding him? That's your husband, Nelly"