I knew it was time, in my heart I knew now was the time I told the five of them who I loved the most. Their gorgeous eyes starring at me, desperate for my answer. I felt so broken, I wanted them all, I loved them all- but that wasn't fair of me. I took one final deep breath before closing my eyes, and revealing my answer.
Me: I choose.....
7 MONTHS EARLIER
Today I woke up earlier than usual this morning. I was surprised to check my phone and read 7:23. My alarm wasn't set for another hour, instead I was disturbed by the sound of Mum and Caleb arguing. Again.
Mum: Go and bloody get in the shower Caleb!
Caleb: No, I'm not doing anything you say! Piss off!
Mum: Right, that's another weeks grounding!
Caleb's my brother, he's fourteen. He's always getting into trouble. He got expelled from school a couple of weeks ago - he beat up a teacher. Luckily he didn't press charges. Mum found weed in Caleb's room not so long ago, and I can smell the alcohol reeking off of him when he comes back from his mates. Mum and I are worried about him, he's getting more and more rebellious and doesn't seem to care. Most people say it's his teenage angst ; I know it's the tragedy of last summer. Non of us have ever really healed from that dreadful day, but Caleb came off worse. Before the accident he was so kind and caring. He never did anything wrong, he was always the top of the class. But now he's failing every lesson and is rarely home, instead he's out getting into trouble. After it happened Caleb became more loud- but I became more quite. I isolated myself, shut myself away from the world. Because when he died- a part of me died with him.
I walked down stairs, wiping the sleep out of my groggy eyes and go over to Mum and Caleb, who are still shouting loudly at each other. I push them apart and separate them forcefully, pissed that they woke me up.
Me: Oi you two! Your bickering woke me and half the bleedin' street up! Caleb, go get showered.
Me: Now! If you want me take you to your football match.
He walked off with his feet dragging behind him, I couldn't help but laugh. He turned around and shot me a deadly stare, and then walked to the bathroom. I laughed again, looking at mum. Her eyes were red and sore. She'd obviously been crying. I pulled her close, hugging her tight. I felt her tears drip onto my shoulder but I didn't care. I know she hasn't been the best mother this past year especially, but it's been tough of all of us. I hugged her harder, holding her tight. I didn't ask why she was crying, because I didn't need to. The accident. Mum felt it the worst. It affected Caleb the worst, but mum just bottles it all up. She'll never be the same now, she's always so low- like she has no energy. I think she blames herself. She's told me before, just after it happened when she was blind drunk.
A month after the accident she went out shopping at lunch, and Caleb was with his friends. He came back around 8 with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I was so disgusted at him that I slapped it out onto the floor. I tried to call mum but she didn't answer. Hours passed and there was still no sign of her. I was calling all of her friends. Frantically stressing. Desperately trying to find my lost mother. I couldn't leave to search for her because I had Caleb to watch. Neither of us slept that night. I remember Caleb coming into my room in tears about mum's disappearance, so all night we just laid next to each other. Not allowing ourselves to sleep in case we missed her much wanted return. Eventually, in the early hours of the morning, she came stumbling in. Shouting all kinds of crap. "Listen Hollie, It's my fault he's dead! You hear me! It's my fault Peter's dead! Mine! If I hadn't kicked him out that night, it would've never happened! I'm the reason why he's dead." But of course that's not true, because I'm the real reason why he's dead. I killed Peter. I killed my Father.
I pushed Mum off of me for a second, to see the tears welling in her eyes, I looked deep in them and told her what I didn't have the guts to say a year ago, because today was the start of my new life.
Me: Mum, you didn't kill him. I did. You don't know what happened after you left. I'm why he went to the airport, I'm why he got on the plane. It's my fault.
Mum looked at me disbelievingly. The fear in her eyes said it all.
Mum: Hollie, wh- what are you saying?
Me: When you went to go find Dad, he came back. I sent him away. I told him we never wanted to see him again after what he did to you. Dad told me he was going to Uncle Ben's in Australia. I....I said I didn't care what he did,
My voice broke as I started crying
Me: I told him he could do whatever, so I handed him his passport and told him to go. And then he got on that plane and it crashed. And now he's dead because of me. I killed him mum, me. I killed dad.
Mum started crying. She pushed away from me. The tears running down her face uncontrollably. I went to grab her hand as she walked off. She pushed away and turned to me. Disgusted.
Mum: You- you killed peter! You killed my husband! Your not my daughter, your a murderer!
And with that she walked off, leaving me in tears. I knew now, that this new life I was starting, would be then end of my old one. Today would be the last day I lived in that household. I was going to be free.
YOU ARE READING
5's a CrowdRomance
17 year old Hollie had her life broken to pieces after the accident. When things were finally getting back on track after she ditched her abusive mother, she realises she has nothing under control after she meets the boy of her dreams and falls hea...