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Ed's P.O.V.

I don't know what's the purpose of anything anymore.

Love. 

Life. 

Death.

I don't know what any of it means anymore or what it's supposed to mean. As long as I could remember, I have never found a person who could truly love me or just love me. There was always someone better looking or just better. I was not even someone's second choice. 

Yes, I know that's just sad. At least being someone's second choice is still a choice, but no, not even that I was.

I have never been in a relationship. My longest relationship has been with my best friend Zaylend or Zay which I practically kept to myself, away from Alex especially. I met him when I moved out of my mom's at twenty-two. He knows what I have been through and he knows me all around and no we haven't had sex. I'd kill him if he tried getting me into bed. He's great and has been in a relationship for five years now and has been the closest thing to a real family to me.

My family and I aren't really close. Since my brother, Alexander came out, it seems like he tore everything apart, but I don't blame him for it. He is who he is. My father left us the next day since mom wasn't planning to throw Alex out for being himself, saying he couldn't be in a household where such abomination was happening and allowed. He cruelly said things to Alex which made me see how much words could hurt him. I spent weeks consoling him and telling him there was nothing wrong with loving a man; not that I would know, I was straight, but still, there was nothing wrong with it. 

Don't think I am a good brother because I did that. Any brother would do that for their younger brother, at least I hope so. Things with my brother turn for the worst when I found out he impregnated the only person I have loved; Jessica Jones. I was in love with her since I could remember. I don't know when it happened. It just did. She was the light of my eyes and my brother's best friend.

Everything took a turn when my brother was twenty-two. I was working late that day so I couldn't go out to celebrate with him opening his first restaurant. I wish I could. I was the happiest brother on earth. My baby brother had opened his first restaurant at such a young age. I couldn't stop bragging about it. I mean I was proud. 

The turn took about a month or so after when we found out that Jessica was pregnant and that the father was Alex, my very gay younger brother. It's like everything I felt, everything just blacked out and vanished. I don't know why it was such a betrayal for me. Alex didn't know I was in love with her. Jessica well, she knew I had a thing for her. But like I have said before, love was never something that went right for me. It's not like I was surprised that Jessica was in love with Alex. They did everything together and were always together, it was bound that she fell for him. 

But it seemed that Alex always got what he wanted. What he didn't want. Girls and boys were always all over Alex. He was popular, everyone wanted to be his friend, he was good at everything too. He even got his dream job, girl, and even kids. I was jealous because nothing ever went my way. I never got what I wanted or worked for.

Growing up I always wanted to be a firefighter or a police officer. Those two dreams failed as soon as I got an injuring and one of my knees became my worst nightmare. Before the injury, I went to university, graduated and a few months later was when I got into an accident. Few months after my accident, I went to take my pt test weeks apart for the firefighter and the police department and miserably failed both. If it wasn't already going bad, the news of Alex becoming was rock bottom. Their marriage was even worst. 

I just wanted one thing in life and received none. I was a failure and nothing would change that.

No one loved me. I failed at everything I tried to get and everyone just blamed me for hating Alex who got everything he wanted and everyone loving him. I never got that even when I struggled and worked three-times as hard. It had always been a blow to the stomach. 

Being thirty-five almost thirty-six has made me realize one thing; that I was going nowhere and was never going to get a taste of what it feels to be loved, feel happiness, and have my own family. At this rate, I just didn't really care or so I keep saying that to myself. 

It's short, but it's also not meant to be long. What do you guys think so far? Thoughts on Ed's background? Him not really being homophobic as in Nanny Duties it was portrayed? Let's see when the chapters will start flowing. I know that the first chapter will have something to do with the description where Ed goes out with Zay and wakes up to a number in his jean's pocket, but that's about it. What do you think of Ed's real name; Edison. And his best friend's name; Zaylend?

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