Yes, you

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Rule Number Twenty-Two: Don't dwell on the past. Certainly not on your wedding day.

I wasn't completely hopeless, I was aware that a majority of people believed I was. That I was a loner that never had any true friends. That my obsession with certain things came from the insecurity of not having anyone in any true form and not just plain insecurity.

It was also because if anyone saw my middle school photo, they would wonder how on Earth anyone stood around me.

Everyone starts out cute, but even then I looked at my friends with a certain envy. I looked at them greenly from as far back as I could remember. And then the horrible awkward years of puberty hit. Instead of towering similar to a slim model or having curves that boys frothed at, I bottomed out.

I was the ugly friend and they were simply doing me a favour by involving me with them. Every crush I had never liked me back and soon pinned after one of my friends. Awkward high school dates weren't something that I had ever experienced.

I and Harry weren't close growing up, that wasn't until the brief period between fifteen and sixteen years of age. We grew up in close confines, but we're still miles apart when it came to friendship.

I knew a large amount about Harry simply because he was a planet in my orbit.

In my awkward years, he wouldn't be caught dead with me. Having to explain to others that our fathers were best friends that worked together wasn't something that Harry liked to do.

We became close one spring break, two fifteen-year-olds that had been hauled to a conference. A world full of Botox and the newest silicon implants filling our young minds.

After that point we kept in touch, Harry had come to me with various issues. I was there for him, and if he could stomach it, he would back me up as well.

But Harry was always different. Despite goofy grins, and the ability to talk to almost anyone. Harry hated his life, he tried to bring me under with his horrible rants about superficial things. I didn't give him any mind.

Our parents were rich and one day we would be too. The image was pressing and controlled every aspect of my life but I couldn't say that I would change it.

The situation that arose with Jeanie wasn't unexpected. I was one of the first people to know. I tried talking him out of it, to make him see that what he was doing would come back to bite his ass.

But he didn't listen, the arguments drove what little space we had even larger. Until finally I awoke one day with the news that Jeanie had killed herself with Harry nowhere to be found.

I called and I texted, I even left stupid little messages in his email. But nothing ever came, I felt scorned even though I shouldn't have. It was most likely because I had cared too much, where Harry never cared at all.

I had thought too much into the friendship.

Apparently, nothing was there. There was once a Harry that was normal. But that Harry was gone.

-

I wasn't sure how many days I had spent either tipsy or drunk. But the amount was getting there and with the fear of being an alcoholic looming over my head. And the fact that my brother's wedding was today I decided to stop.

Noel had tried giving me a half ass blow job this morning and I couldn't even keep it together for that.

With my sunglasses perched on the top of my head. And my hands full with a tray of coffee and a bag of donuts that I let the cute cashier pick out, I made my way down the hallway.

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