My Short Diary Life

Sunday - 23rd June

Dear Diary,

It has been confirmed, the approximate date of Nat's death is the 17th of July - if not, earlier. At least I was able to see here today. She looked terrible. Her eyes were yellow on the outside, her hands had turned green and her perfectly manicured nails had turned murky. 

She was plugged into machines and was only just conscious. I went over to her and gently hugged her, careful not to hurt her fragile body. I pulled a chair over, next to her bed for me to sit on. I held her hand and it took all the strength I had not to cry. I didn't have enough. Then she spoke to me:

Nat: Why are you crying?

Me: I'm just happy I get to see you

Nat: “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” 

Me: And I am.

Nat: Why are you really crying?

Me: I'm crying because I hate seeing you like this.

Nat: Are you crying because it's got no positive outcome?

Me: Don't say that. You know things could get better.

Nat: Don't try to make me smile. I know it's less than a month - I want to live that month

Me: (nod) Okay. We will make it the best bloody month.

Nat: Can you please promise me something?

Me: Yep

Nat: If I die, before we finish making those plates - can you make sure you finish them for me.

I nodded before she fell back to sleep. I stayed there for another hour just praying to all the gods that she wouldn't have to die. But, as per usual, reality kicks in and it became apparent to me that it would just be a daydream. 

This all happened before lunch. I might have mentioned yesterday that I was going out with the gang, which I did.

We went to this little sushi bar that had karaoke. And, against my will, I sung. But lucky it wasn't all by myself. I sung with Alex. You know the song "Lucky", by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat, that's what we sung. 

But it all went downhill from there. Turns out Zac was invited. It wasn't pleasant at all. He was a giant jerk to Alex - if anything, it's an understatement. Alex had to excuse himself so that he could go and. . . . Well, I don't know what but, I was so angry. I excused myself and Zac to talk to each other. One-on-one. 

Me: What is your problem? Alex has been nothing but a nice guy and all you can do is be a giant dick to him.

Zac: What! The dudes a piece of shit.

Me: You can't be serious, can you? Just because he's going out with me and you are left with nothing. I wanted to fix things up with our friendship before I died, Zac. Now, I'd rather not. 

I left him there. I didn't mean what I said - I don't want to go with him like that.

Today's positive thing was the fact I got to see my friends again. I know that they care because every time they are around me, they are too cautious. Ha-ha.

I'm getting really sleepy now,

Nighty Night

Xx Alyssa