What's the Use?

32 11 24

Dedicated to Nathanael, Audra, and Jane

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Mark was in his basement apartment wondering---deep bewilderment---high-risk pondering...

He'd had bouts of depression all his life---fallen down repeatedly; but, he did have an image of how to keep moving forward: "...walk on those bloody knees."

Society had always been a challenge for Mark.

The "culture" was, as far as he was concerned, rotten.

He often felt like no two people could substantially agree---but, his mind knew there were probably a few...

He was well aware that the multinational-greed-dealers could care less if what they did totally trashed the Earth.

Mark had been overheard saying: "They must all think Musk will take them to Mars, so they can rape another planet..."

Also, he couldn't ignore the uptick in the odds that he could be either shot, knifed, or run over by a vehicle---the seemingly random acts of terroristic murder were beginning to assume a form of "normality"...

Regarding the state of Mark's birth country, he'd once said: "Lately, freedom of speech is so misused it's ashamed of what it's saying..."

And, the world "leaders" troubled him---acting like children, very angry and dangerous children---children lying to themselves and to each other---working hard to dismantle any reliance on justice.

Then, there were the other "leaders", the "rational" ones, the "democratic" ones---more than likely not at all what they said they were---lovers of freedom, justice, fairness---just putting on a show to deceive the masses... They all seemed completely hollow-hearted.

He was once heard crying out: "Would that I could sacrifice my life to ensure kind-hearted, truth-minded world leaders..."

As a point of interest, a number of years ago, Mark published a novel, the story carefully placed on planets 12 light-years away---the better to make stark illustrations of what's wrong on Earth.

And, naturally, he also felt that serious literature was being undermined---just as intensely as justice was wilting and fairness was crippled and love had become a street-walker.

There was so much weeping in his life that he wished the tears could wash away some of the pain...

Still... Mark continued to walk on his bloody knees; and, he regularly shed his tears; but, he couldn't wash anything away...

There was a huge mass of disappointment in his life; and, it nearly tortured him that he couldn't lower his principles---hope for less and have less strain and heart-break...

Plus, the principles he'd managed to acquire were under nearly constant attack from his own ego---the Opponent in Mark's Great Battle...

So...

To summarize where Mark is at:

~ He's beat down but still moving ahead, slowly, on those bloody knees.

~ He's been pursuing spiritual practices to support his seemingly useless earthly effectiveness.

~ He's written many short stories to illuminate the things that disgust him about the state of humanity (while steadily remembering that the greatest percentage of the human family is either innocent or clueless...).

~ He engages in sharing his writings on social media, along with other helpful posts and articles that might induce others to pick up their morals and engage in societal repair...

Still...

He is now, officially, old; and, very tired of it all...

Yet, in spite of that age and exhaustion, he continues to pray for a few more years of work on Earth.

Years of trying to aid just a portion of a relentlessly harried humanity...

If you could inhabit Mark's emotional mind for a day, you'd hear a litany of "What's the use?" in harmony with "Keep those knees moving!"


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