Chapter 6

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Once we have finished the delicious meal, prepared by the chef, Daniel makes his way over to the fridge to fetch another beer.

I sit back in the chair and feel full to bursting. As I'm dressed in my fitted silk pyjamas, my bloated stomach is unforgiving through the material. When Daniel turns around to open the bottle, I watch an emotion sweep over his face. Before I have chance to decipher what he is thinking, he shakes his head quickly, like he is trying to push a thought from his mind.

"Want a beer?" He asks, but doesn't look at me.

"Yeah, please. You OK?" I ask and stand up to meet him in the middle of the room. The fire roars, warming the air around us. The gentle spits and groans of the wood on the fire are the only sound as I wait patiently for him to answer.

Daniel doesn't speak, but I see a pained look in his eyes. "I'm sorry for what she did to you." I blurt out without thinking.

"Don't be sorry. I've had a lot of time to process what she did. But, I realise now that if she hadn't have left me, we would still have been together... and we would have still been making each other miserable. More importantly, I may never have met you." He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "I will never forget what she did, but I love you. You are the only person that I want to be the mother of my children."

"Daniel, I'm not sure if-" He rests his finger across my lips to stop me from talking.

"I can't imagine how you feel about... Charlotte. But I want to be with you, whatever. So, just let me know when you're ready for it to be topic of conversation and we will talk. But only once you're ready. No pressure. OK?"

I wrap my arms around his waist. He rests his chin on top of my head as his arms engulf me, completely. "OK."

Daniel then opens two beers and leads me through into the igloo. The lighting is dim and the sky is perfectly clear tonight. The stars glisten above us, but one is shining brighter than the others. I wonder whether it is Charlotte looking down at me from heaven. I feel a single tear unexpectedly slide down my cheek as I look up into the sky.

Daniel wipes it away within his thumb and then pulls me down onto the bed to lie against him.

"I'm sorry for mentioning Charlotte. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know you didn't. The sadness I feel is always there, like a little ball of energy in the pit of my stomach. But every now and then it rises up into my chest, and it makes my heart ache so painfully, it takes my breath away. She would be three now. I often wonder whether she would look like me..." I stop myself from talking because it is just too much. "Can we change the subject please?"

"Of course, but I think she would have had everyone wrapped around her little finger if she was anything like you."  He kisses the top of my head, and thankfully changes the topic of conversation. "So, what are you plans for Christmas?"

I roughly wipe my face and take a shaky breath. "I'm going home to stay with my parents for a couple of days. What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing?"

"Exactly what I said. I was planning on spending Christmas alone, miserable and drunk." He shrugs as I stare at him.

"Aren't you going to see your parents?"

"Oh my God, that sounds like hell. Every year I'm made to choose which parent I want to have Christmas dinner with, so I look like I have a favourite. Whoever I choose, it causes a huge argument. As you know, both have remarried and I don't particularly like either of their new partners. So, rather than get dragged into the same old shit - I just say no to both. I had to put up with their behaviour as a child, but I sure as hell don't have to tolerate it now! I will go and see them all over the holidays, but just not Christmas Day or Boxing Day. Between them, they have ruined enough Christmas's to last several lifetimes."

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