thirty-one

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i looked at him as his head laid on my lap. he realized he was not forgiven still, and yet here i was comforting him. maybe it was my curse after all, caring so much for people who had broken my heart.

still, i couldn't help but to run my fingers through his hair. he had bags under his eyes, and he looked as tired as he looked broken as well. my heart ached for him, for what he was going through. i didn't know what it was like to lose someone like this.

his features softened under my touch. he had been hesitant to ask me to stay with him, and my mother had been hesitant on letting me do it, fearing for my own mental state. but one look at her and she knew that it was something that i needed as well. maybe it was time we talked, setting everything i thought i knew aside.

"i didn't want to be alone in this house, you know? it feels too... empty," his low, raspy voice spoke. i nodded my head.

taking a deep breath, he slowly sat up on his bed and looked at me. "why did you agree to all of this... considering what i did?"

it was hard to answer. why had i? well, obviously because i loved him, but also because i felt guilty for assuming things and not being there for him when he needed me the most. but it still stung to think of him and soomi.

licking over my lips, i looked into his chocolate orbs. "i don't know... the second i heard what had happened, i decided that was more important than what i was feeling."

he pursed his lips. "i was a jerk. and what i did has no possible excuse."

i watched him, sure that even though it was necessary, i could easily break into tears if we kept talking about this. "you're right," i breathed. "but i still want to know why."

he drew in a breath, running his fingers through his hair. "the truth is, i don't know what happened in the forest. i had asked to talk to soomi because i heard what she said to you, and i wanted to make sure she stopped," he spoke. that much i had figured, as soon as the heat of the moment had been over. it was silly of me to simply run away, but neither of us could have predicted what would happen.

"we were arguing for over ten minutes, i kept telling her i wasn't going back to her and she kept wanting to prove to me how you were going to end up using me," he scoffed, shaking his head. "which is rich, coming from her and all. and then, she was looking at her phone and i swear she kissed me as soon as you came into view. it was like she was expecting you to appear. or maybe she just has perfect timing for whatever sick plans of hers."

i sighed and pursed my lips. he was right, it had been too perfect of a timing to not suspect something else was going on. i just didn't know what. "and the party?"

"i have no excuse for that," he ran his hand over his face. "i had just gotten the news... about my mother, and i went to that party, got shitfaced, and i don't even remember exactly what happened next."

"i just... i wish you had come to me, instead of that party. i would've listened to you, you know?"

"i thought you wouldn't want to see me," he shrugged, apologetic eyes looking into my own. "it felt like you'd just turn me away and that would hurt a thousand times over, and i couldn't handle it."

i sighed as i looked at his face. my fingertips touched his cheek lightly, and he instantly closed his eyes under my touch. i didn't know how to completely forgive him, but now that everything was out in the open, and i knew why he had done what he had done, i was sure we were on the right path towards what we were before.

"i wouldn't ever turn you away, no matter what you did to me," i breathed out, which made him open his eyes and look straight into my own. 

he slowly sat back up, his hand taking mine and lacing his fingers with his. "i'll keep that in mind."

"no more doing crazy things, or getting high and drunk," i lowered my head lightly so i could look at him from under him. "i know everything hurts a lot right now, but if you need help, you turn to me. not to those things."

he flickered his eyes between me, our hands together, and the bed beneath us. it took him a while before he hesitantly nodded. "i promise."

just after he spoke those words, i found myself wrapping my arms around him, holding on to him almost too tightly, which even made me flinch as i felt the pressure on my not so healed ribs. 

"careful," he whispered, circling his arms around my waist and holding on to me as if i was about to break any second. "does it still hurt a lot?"

"duh," i mocked him, chuckling lightly. "it's been like... a few days, taehyung."

he slowly pulled away from me, inspecting the cast on my arm as i had removed it from the arm sling. i could tell his expression had just gone sad again, and i instantly knew what he was thinking.

"it's not your fault," i whispered.

"of course it is," he scoffed, shaking his head. "i could've stopped it from happening. i could've run after you faster. i could've done so many things better, and i didn't, and you got hurt like this. and then i didn't go visit you. and-"

"taehyung," i put my free hand behind his neck, playing with the hair that covered it. his eyes met mine as he stopped himself from talking. "it's not your fault. none of this is. i should've been more careful. it's on me. please, don't blame yourself for something you couldn't have controlled."

"i'm supposed to look after you, you know?" he smiled sadly. "yet all i see is you looking out for me."

"don't think this isn't a two way street," i assured him. "i have no one else besides you and my mom. you've been my biggest support system and even if you don't notice it, you do look after me."

"do you forgive me?" he asked, his eyes pleading. 

there were a lot of things running through my mind. the fact that i wasn't angry anymore, but also the fact that i didn't know if he would just turn to alcohol again and once again do something he'd regret. and then there was the way he looked at me, and there was no way i could say no to him. ever.

"yes," i breathed out.

"i'll make sure i do anything and everything i can to show you i deserve it," he touched my cheek with the back of his hand, his face leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.

"you can start by actually kissing me, moron," i joked, my hand instantly gripping his shirt.

"bossy," he chuckled, and it was the first time i knew he meant it. for a moment, he didn't seem half as broken, and as long as i could do that for him, i knew i'd be okay with it. "that's my girl."

and so he pressed his lips against mine, in a feather like way, his love engulfing me once again. and that was the moment i knew that i would never, ever, move on from kim taehyung.


***

author's note

hello!! long time no update heh... i'm SO SORRY i had been working on this chapter for a long time and i didn't even know how i wanted it to go... but anyway, now things will be going back to 'normal' even though some mysteries are still unsolved... how did soomi know exactly when to kiss taehyung? you'll find out soon.

i'm extremely busy with school work, so i'll most likely take some time to update again. sorry for the short, kinda boring chapter too. i promise when i come back in the summer, i'll update more often and the chapters will be longer!

and... WHAT THE F*CK THIS REACHED 4K READS AND OVER 600 VOTES? I LOVE U ALL SO FREAKING MUCH

also... STREAM FAKE LOVE!! 

much love x

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