The fear in me

Jason

"Yes!" she sighs. "I dream of him, but he looks on me only as a chum."

"But now he wants more! You must have noticed that!"

"Okay, but now it's annoying me!" She puckers her nose and looks incredibly sweet. I have to smile. "Why is it annoying you now?"

"Because I've just realised how insensitive he is! He is constantly flaunting his conquests in front of me, and now he's piqued because I'm here with you ... he's a total hypocrite!"

"So you did want to make him jealous, didn't you?" I annoy her.

"No! But if I'd known that I just have to bring another boy along to catch his attention, I'd have done that four years ago after he'd linked up with silly Dina. But then I'd never have seen his real face!" she says, offended.

"Would have ... would have," I laugh. "You're really sweet!" Did I really say that out loud? To judge by her face ... yes! Damn it! Our conversation comes to an abrupt finish, because the meal is ready. In silence we go back and finally reach the table where the others are waiting for us.

Tim beckons Nay to come to him, but she doesn't react. She sits down in the corner so nobody can sit next to her.

I slide in in such a way that I too have contact with nobody. I'm hot, and roll up my sleeves. Tim looks at me with contempt.

While we're eating Kay and Tanja are talking the whole time. It's obvious they want to distract us. Tim looks from Nay to me, and that amuses me somewhat. It seems I really have touched a sore spot on that arrogant snooty-nose. But he doesn't have to worry about that. I can never have a close relationship with Nay ... as much as I would like to. It must not happen. Sadness overwhelms me, but I try to look bored. That's not so easy. Nevertheless I'm quite satisfied with myself.

When we've finished eating and rush off in the direction of Cinemaxx, we come across many people on the way. Panic rises up in me and in fear I break out in sweat. Nay is suddenly at my side. She looks at me worried.

"Everything's okay ... nobody will touch you!" she whispers to calm me.

How comes she knows I have problems with being touched? This is the second time today she's helped me.

She's too good to be true. I take a deep breath and weave my way at her side through the crowds without touching anyone. I'm relieved. With this girl you surely could do anything. She's unique!

"Box office one is quite empty!" I hear Tim say standing next to Nay, when we reach the cinema.

"Well then, let's go!" says Nay and sets off. Suddenly Tim is next to me. He looks at me in fury. Nay looks back and places herself like a barricade between Tim and me, and looks at him with a warning. What a comical situation! I could almost laugh!

At that moment it seems that others have also noticed that nobody is standing at box office one, because people are coming toward us from the right. It's getting more and more crowded and just as I'm trying to get out of the way somebody gives Nay a hard push and she and Tim both fly on top of me. I'm completely shocked.

"Get off!" I scream in panic. Nay scrambles away from on top of me and Tim. Only idiotic Tim stays lying on me. He makes no effort to move.

"Get. Away. From. Me," I say energetically. But Tim just grins.

"What's up, are you scared of being touched, Rockefeller? That is your name, or did I misunderstand Nay?"

"Tim, stop being an arsehole. Leave him alone. You know he doesn't like being touched. For sure Kay told you that, so get off ..." Nay calls out and tries to pull Tim off me.

"Tell me, do you like this weirdo?" Tim asks acidly, still on top of me.

"I don't even know him properly!" Nay cries out. "Your behaviour today is really intolerable!"

"Oh yes," he snorts in wrath, "then probably I should go home." He supports himself on his wrist, and with his bare arm he strokes first my lower arm and then my head. Then he pauses there and stares at me.

Visions fill my head: people with tumours on their heads, the swellings bloody and pussy. Dead, empty, bloodshot eyes, mouths that stay open and whisper: Run, or you'll be the next! And I want to run away, but I can get moving. I'm caught! The noises have stopped and I see only movements. Above me Tim's arrogant face. Tim's mouth moves, but I hear nothing. I close my eyes and hope to escape from the horrifying thoughts, when suddenly something hits my face. My eyes open! Tim's face is lying on mine, I feel the touch of his naked skin on mine and an icy cold runs through me. I shoot upward. Adrenalin is pulsing through my body, and in panic I roll Tim aside. I stare at him. No tumours. But why is he lying so still? Too still ... Damn it!

My thoughts are again filled with the dead eyes, and it's too much for me. I leap to my feet and race outside like a maniac. I hear Nay calling my name, but I take no notice. I want nothing but to go ... I must escape from them ... quickly ...