Working at the BAU can be hard. Allowing yourself to love can be harder. Allowing yourself to fall in love with Doctor Spencer Reid? The task seems impossible.
Love has never been your thing. Sure, you've always wanted someone who was there for you...
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Spencer's house was exactly as you imagined it. Not that you imagined that kind of thing because you know.... that's uh... weird.
It was completely vintage; Old lamps casting a dim light over the rooms, antique clocks hanging on the walls, large bookshelves lining just about every single wall, and books. Books everywhere. You've always been a huge bookworm so you have tons of books but lord, you've never seen so many. This looked like something out of an old indie film.
They were tucked into every nook and cranny. The bookshelves completely stacked. And when those were filled, there were piles of them on every side table in the house, even some piled in the corners. It was the most glorious thing you've ever seen.
"You can come in." Spencer assured, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows as you lingered in the doorway, admiring the scenery before you. "Right." You muttered, making your way slowly into the living room and then, with Spencer's approving nod, you curled up on one corner of the couch, hugging your legs to you.
"Tea?" Spencer asked, looking up at you from the kitchen. You nodded eagerly, craving the hot drink. It always seemed to soothe you.
"Do you know" Spencer began. "It takes about 2,000 tony leaves to make just one pound of finished tea?." Spencer began ranting , you half listening as the previous images of the night flickered like haunting pictures, fresh in your mind. It all seemed surreal. Yet, you were thankful that you didn't have to do much talking. So you simply sat there, nodding occasionally, as Spencer listed off facts such as "Tea bags were invented accidentally in 1904 when a tea trader put samples into a bag which costumers put directly into their tea" or "in the Victorian age there was actually a teacup invented that prevented men's mustaches from getting wet."
If you weren't so focused on repeating the same traumatic events in your head until you had played out every possible angle and solution, perhaps you just have noticed the adorable way Spencer made sure to look up at you every few seconds, checking that you were still here, mentally and physically, confirming that no tears had made their way down your soft cheeks. Thinking about it made the doctors stomach turn. What would he do if you began to cry? What would he do if you were hurt in any way or by anyone? He didn't know. And he didn't like not knowing.
The clinking of glass brought you back to your senses. You smiled softly, gazing at the two cups of tea that were now in front of you. "How do you know that I like my tea with milk and sugar?" You queried, staring quizzically at the genius. Racking your brain, you couldn't recall a time where you mentioned anything about beverages to Spencer.
Spencer smirked as he sat opposite of you, looking quite proud of his accomplishment. "I just heard you mention it a few months ago at the office and habits don't usually tend to change." He admitted, sipping his drink quietly. Your heart skipped a few beats when you realized just how much attention Spencer pays to you. And to think you always thought you were invisible. Unimportant. Unwanted.
Spencer and you dipped your drinks silently, side by side until eventually, Spencer stood up, taking your glass and his to the sink. "You hungry?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. "No." You quickly responded, the thought of food made your stomach lurch. It only now dawned on you, how cold Spencer's apartment was. Not having the courage to ask for a blanket, you rubbed your hands up and down you arms, even shivering a bit dramatically, hoping he would understand what you wanted. "Sorry. With us being on cases so much I don't get to be here much so it's pretty chilly." Reid explained before holding one finger in the air, telling you to wait as he left the room.
A few minutes later he reentered. This time holding a green sweater of his that you recognized. "Thank you." You gladly accepted the sweater, pulling it on immediately. It smelled wonderfully of the softer and you gratefully inhaled the comforting sent. Luckily you were able to change out of that horrible dress earlier so now you rested comfortably in a pair of black jeans.
"So uh you can take my room if-"
"Spence I'm not going to kick you out of your own room. Besides I'm already comfy right here." You interrupted sternly, staying stubbornly on your spot on the couch. "Okay." Spencer gave up. "But if you need me I'll just be here." He assured yet he remained standing in the hallway, staring at you. Of course you didn't want him to leave. Spencer does that to you. In fact, you could take the most socially awkward person and somehow, paired with Spencer, everything would be okay.
You tried desperately to hide the desire of Spencer being close to you but you were most likely failing miserably. Even so, you thought you saw the same look of desire in his eyes as you both waited for something to happen.
"Mamihlapinatapai, correct?" You wondered aloud.
"Pardon?"
"A look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin?" You explained slowly.
"Yeah. That's right." Spencer confirmed, and then blushed when he understood that you meant the current situation. "Do you want me to stay?" Spencer asked cautiously, walking a few steps closer. Afraid that your voice would come out as a pathetic squeak, you simply nodded you head which was all it took for Spencer to come sit by you again, closer this time, his right shoulder pressed against your left one.
"I can't stop thinking about it." You admitted defeatedly, looking desperately at Spencer as if he held the cure. "I'm sorry. It's sad I know but my thoughts... I just can't stop them." You sighed, pressing your fingers against your temples.
It wasn't long before you felt the warm pressure of Spencer's hand around yours. "It's okay, Y/N. Just breathe. You don't have anything to be sorry for." He cooed softly.
It didn't take much longer for you to fall into a deep slumber, the doctors arms wrapped around you protectively.
Walt Whiteman said "Keep your face toward the sunshine and shadows may fall behind you." You didn't know that much about romance. The books you read were true crime and science rather than dramas. But, perhaps you are right about this. Perhaps Spencer is your sunshine.
Hey guys. I'm so sorry it's been so long since I updated. I really am going to try to focus on this book more because I actually do enjoy writing it. Let me know what you think please! ♥️♥️
