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Bellamy came home the same night. I could see that he really wanted to save them and that the fact he couldn't is breaking him. He isn't showing it but I know him long enough now to see it. It isn't raining anymore. So Kane and I went outside to welcome him back home. Even though I don't know if we can call it home. But that's what it is right now.

I run towards Bellamy and almost jump into his arms. He holds my tight and I do the same with him. He tried to save them and he couldn't and that must be a burden for him.
''You tried, Bell. You tried,'' I whisper in his ear.

He lets me go and places a kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and take this moment in. People have died today. And we still don't know where Octavia is. Or if she is even alive. She didn't take anything except her knife and sword with her and I'm worried. We haven't heard anything from her and we don't know where she is. And when Kane tells Bellamy he closes his eyes and sigh.

''I'm sorry,'' Kane says softly.
Bellamy nods a little bit but shakes his head at the same time. I don't think he knows what to do. I take his hand in mine and squeeze it once.
''You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved,'' he says.

Then he lets go of my hand and he walks away. Leaving me and Kane behind. I frown at his action but then realise that he just wants to be alone. I hope he does and that he didn't just leave me here with Kane because he is angry at me for something. I'm not saying that I don't like Kane but there are some things that I can never forget. And neither can Bellamy. Or Kane himself.


''Bellamy, you okay?'' I ask him while I walk into the room we share. Same night, same pain. Same pain, the same amount of dead people. Bellamy isn't the only one who is feeling bad for everyone who died today. Other people are too. Including me. I saved someone today but eventually he died. Bellamy tried to save people today. He couldn't reach them and they died. It's basically the same thing.

I look at Bellamy and feel bad for him. He is sitting on our bed with his head in his hands. He isn't wearing his shirt anymore and I can see some spots that have burned him. It must have been the black rain. I sigh and walk over to him. I sit down next to him and place my hand on his shoulder. I don't say anything mostly because I don't know what to say. But I know that sometimes someones presence can be enough. And when Bellamy places his hand on mine I know that my presence is enough for him.

''Tomorrow they are going to burn the bodies of the people that have died today. You don't have to be there. I'm not going to be there. But if you do want to go then I will go with you if you want to,'' I almost whisper. Bellamy shakes his head and I nod even though he can't see it. I understand why he doesn't want to go because I have the same reason I don't want to go. I don't want to see the bodies of the people I could have saved.

''Let's talk about something else, please,'' Bellamy says.
I nod and think about something to talk about but I can't think of anything. My mind is completely blank right now. Every thought that I have in mind, they aren't nice. It's mostly about the black rain and about nightbloods and what will come next. And about when we will die. All of us.

''What do you want to talk about?'' I ask him hoping that he has something nice in mind.
He smiles and looks at me.
''The baby,'' he says while he places on of his hands on my stomach.

I smile back at him and can't help it too feel happy right now. It doesn't mean that this is the first time I've been happy around him because that's not. I'm always happy around him.
''Good idea. You know I have been wanting to ask you something for a long time now,'' I say.

He gives me a look that tells me to go on and I laugh.
''What are we going to name our baby?'' I ask.
Bellamy thinks about it for a while but then he starts to speak names out loud.

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