Days, weeks and months passed after our lovely date. Our bond is now getting stronger and stronger every day. It feels so new yet so familiar, with Louis beside me I get my strength and whole new power. It feels so surreal. This strength which he gives me scares me too.
Yeah, it scares both us.
As much as we love being together now, we can't help but think about the future. We are together in the sense, we are not official or something like that. I can't even say what we have is love. 'Cause we both don't know what love is exactly. All we know is we need each other. Now and forever.
Doesn't we use the word 'forever' so many times? Like friendship forever, mine forever and blah forever, forever, forever. This word gave me hope and butterflies when someone said these kinda things to me but now? It absolutely makes me sick and tired.
Everyone lies or being lied to when they say something like this. This is what our heart wants, doesn't it? We can only accept a lie with full of sinful sweetness instead of the truth which hurts.
I can't say what we have is a lie of sinful sweetness or truth which hurts. Maybe both? 'Cause we both hurt each other. It's true but we can't live without that hurt. This kind of hurt makes us feel alive and it gives us a reason to move on with our lives wherever it takes us. This kind of hurt makes us crumble yet mould together imperfectly perfect. This kind of hurt makes our soul cry out for each other. This kind of hurt makes us feel for each other. This kind of hurt makes us know... how much we love each other.
I'm in the position where I can't fully enjoy the things I have right now. I don't know when it will change and will push me to my darkest side once again. One thing I knew for sure, if I ever again pushed into that side of mine, I don't think I will overcome it.
I still can't believe that I saw Louis again. Speaking of this makes me remember a line which I read from a book.
Ten thousand skies, and a million worlds, and it still wouldn't be enough for me to share with you. Nothing less than forever will do.
Is it our fate and destiny or something like those things? Do we share a destiny of love and pain? We do but we are so reluctant to see the love and we are focusing only on the pain we cause.
When I push away all the sad part of us being together, there comes the happiest part of my life. Louis lights up a candle inside me which illuminates the whole world with its small flicker. His touch makes my skin crawl in a good way. The times when he doesn't know what to do and look at me for help is something which I adore the most. His childish face and his small please with his puppy eyes when he wants me to sing a song for him. His squirms to my touch out of nervousness is one of the adorable things I have ever seen.
Those deep blue eyes which say anything and everything those the words can't say. His small hands caressing my cheek like a mother touching her child for the very first time. He's the colours for my dull and bore painting, he adds life and gives meaning to my painting. Without him, I won't be shining like a bright star.
On the whole, all I have is now.
"HAROLD!" Zayn's high pitch voice brought me back to reality where I'm in his and Liam's dorm room. Liam laughed at my startled look.
"What is it..?" I asked blinking my eyes rapidly try to focus on whatever they are saying but I can't because of the small dizziness in my head.
"Zayn asked, whether you would like to join us with the dinner tonight with Lou," Liam explained as I nodded.
Louis and Niall are doing their project together so they couldn't join us now and I highly doubt Louis would come to dinner 'cause when it comes to work he will give his hundred per cent to finish that work.
"Nah, Zee. Lou has work and you guys enjoy and spend some time together." I smiled. Zayn pouted and winked at Liam.
"Then it's alright! I will spend time with my pretty boy alone!" Zayn cheered as I laughed a bit.
"Don't be over-excited, messy!" I smacked his head.
"When I hear the word messy it brings back one of my memory. You know, Li? Haz used to blackmail...." Zayn stopped at looked at us where I and Liam were trying to control our laugh.
"You sucker! Don't tell me you showed that picture to Liam, too..." Zayn buried his head in embarrassment. Liam broke into fits of laughter.
"Awh, Zaynie." Liam took Zayn's face in his hands. "You were so cute and little in that picture. I love you even in your messiest look." Liam kissed Zayn's lips.
"Ew! A small boy is also in this room!" I closed my eyes and fake whined.
"Yeah, small boy!" Liam mocked with a smirk.
"It's toooo quiet. Leeyum, can you play some music?" Zayn asked sweetly. Liam patted his cheek softly and took his phone and played a song.
Only the music came first but that was enough to make my heart race. Suddenly I'm not in the dorm room anymore, I'm in the hall full of students surrounded by with roar of laughter and cheers.
Sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry I could be so blind
The air around me was suddenly all gone and I was struggling to breathe. Tears in my eyes blurred my vision and I covered my ears so tightly.
"Harry!" Someone called me but it was more like a whisper to me.
Someone will love you
Someone will love you
But someone isn't me
That dreadful night was running through mind vividly and my skin inched under my bracelets wanting the contact of a sharp object on it again.
"Make it stop!" I screamed as strong arms wrapped around me until now I didn't know I was shaking uncontrollably.
"Take deep and slow breathes.. yeah.."
I obeyed as they told and slowly I calmed down. I wiped my tears and looked up to see Zayn holding me with tears in his eyes and looked horrified the same as Liam.
No longer that song was playing, only silence filled the air and small sobs of mine. I know what's coming up next.
"Haz... I know it's hard but what happened?" Zayn caused slowly and cautiously. Liam rubbed my back for comfortable but didn't say anything.
Their attention makes me look so small and vulnerable. I didn't dare look at them in the eyes.
"Please.." Zayn pressed as I winced and closed my eyes once again.
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Change // Larry Stylinson AUFanfiction
"Love will tear us apart.." Louis' voice cracked. He laid down on my chest. "But we'll find our way back to each other." I pulled him even more closer. "Somehow.." Louis looked up with hope in his eyes. "Somewhere." I said. "Far away from here." Lou...