Suffocate

Written In Stone

My chin rested heavily on top of my knees as I continued to stare at my navy blue wall in an unbreakable trance. My face held a blank expression as I examined the dark colored expanse in silence. I broke the trance and looked at my surroundings, my own room feeling unfamiliar.

My eyes traveled to the strewn books that currently lay atop my work desk, pens, pencils and paper accompanying them. My dressers looked as if someone had torn through them in a hurry to find something that wasn't there.

Turning to my left I caught my appearance in the floor length mirror that hung about my door. My hair shown in the moonlight that leaked through the milky colored curtains, glowing in a way that made me look like some kind of ghost. My eyes were a blue-gray that complimented my hair in a way I couldn't imagine, and my lips were a thin pink line ridden with cracked crevices.

My black t-shirt hung loosely around my torso, and my gray sweat pants were bunched around my ankles. I looked washed up, as if the beach a few states over had drowned me and then threw me up.

I was disaster on two legs these days, and no matter how much I tried not to be, I just, was. It seemed as though life lived me rather than I living it, and honestly that's EXACTLY how it was. My attention was swayed from the mirror as the windowpane started to rattle. Water running down the glass and over the ledge told me that it was raining. The consistent beating rose to a higher volume as the wind grew faster.

Getting out of bed I crossed over to the window and shut it, keeping the rain from getting all over the carpet. I sat right under the large window and stared outside. My eyes traveled over our small town, and landed over the large expanse of the wooded area that surrounded us.

The greens and browns and grays lessened the ache in my heart along with the darkness of my room. The rain halted after a minute or two, and the wind slowed to a more constant pace. I sighed as my door creaked open and I turned around to face the intruder. My black German Shepard trotted into the room and sat beside me, a small object wedged between his teeth.

He looked at me and dropped the small object at my feet, resting his head on my knee. I looked at it for a long time and noticed that I was currently staring at a rock. No bigger than the inner palm of my hand the rock lay there, it's edges smooth and egg shaped. I picked it up and ran my fingers over it, the cold that the rock possessed washing through my hand.

My gaze drifted back to the multicolored forest below me, and I couldn't help but remember how we used to sit in this very spot and talk about anything and everything. Pouring out our hearts and souls into a song I wrote the day before, keeping each other company while doing everything we loved to do. The thoughts almost brought tears to my ice-colored irises, but the cold air mixed with the cold stone hardened me.

I flipped the stone over and over between my fingers, and felt a roughness that I didn't feel there before. Looking down at it I couldn't see what it was, and curiosity didn't really catch me at the moment. I tossed the rock behind me as Saint rested his head in my lap, giving me a sullen comfort I never knew existed.

The rain continued to beat the window as I sat there, tears streaming down my face as an overwhelming sadness rushed through my unbreakable walls. Darkness began to surround me little by little, and before long I was completely surrounded, a soundless sleep approaching me in determination.