Sometimes, maybe more often than sometimes, the thought that you try so hard to push away resurfaces in your mind. Why? Why does she always push you away? Why does it feel like it's just nothing to her? Why does she have to leave you? And why... why is it okay with you? You confessed to her for three times already and every time, she tried to swerve off the topic and it stayed as the elephant in the room whenever the two of you are left alone. Well, not anymore because now you can both be alone, but not together.
It still pains you how she didn't, in any way, try to contact you. It's been 3 months and still no sign of Joan. No Joan to grab an early morning coffee with. No Joan to rant on about your annoying Philosophy teacher. No Joan to spend your weekend afternoons lazing about and coming up with story plots that you know you wouldn't be able to write. No Joan to call in the middle of the night just because you have discovered something about the universe and talking until either of you drift off to sleep. Maybe it was for the best. You have caged yourselves in the world you've created together that you failed to see that there was still so much to see and so many people to meet, and a lot of places to go to. Maybe she's now coping up with her new environment, and maybe you should be too.