Intimate Refraction [Ouran Host Club Kyoya]

Prelude

Fate.

I have always thought that word was so strange. 

Growing up I was presented with two completely polar opposite views on it. 

My dad, he loved fate. He embraced it. To him fate was like a current in the ocean, a strong gust of wind, something that pulled at you. He believed that if you completely surrendered yourself to fate, blindly trusted it, that it would lead you to happiness. 

Small impulse decisions like deciding to take the scenic route instead of the subway could be the deciding factor in where you would end up in life. That the universe gifts us all a red string to follow through the confusing spider web of life and if it was successfully untangled you would find yourself right where you're supposed to be.

Though if fate truly is a string meant to guide us then my mother constantly had a pair of sharp scissors in her clutches.

To her, my mother, fate was a nuisance. She didn't believe in going with the flow, just allowing oneself to float through life to see where they would end up. If she wanted something she would get it, and lord help whoever decided to stand in her way. 

According to her, fate was just a speed bump.

To her, fate said that as the fifth in line to take over the family company she would never get it.

So she decided to bypass four other elder relatives.

To her, fate predicted that her family's wealth was dwindling.

So she invested and grew our credit.

To her, fate said that the Sakahashi name was old and fading.

So she built actual skyscrapers across multiple continents so that no one would not know our name.

To her, fate said that forever she would be thought of as a cold business woman who didn't know kindness.

So she married and had a child.

No matter the 'problem' my mother always found a way around it. Some praise her and call it determination.

When you're her only child though you just see it as a recipe for a hellish upbringing and strained relationship.

Despite my dislike of her controlling tendencies, I'd have to be utterly stupid to not recognize how far she has gotten in life because of it. And currently embracing dad's method of sitting back and relaxing hadn't quite gotten me any closer to being happy.

Here I am, now a third year student at Ouran and as bored as a little kid at the opera. Originally when I transferred here during my last year of middle school I had hope. I thought maybe I could make friends like I did at my old school, but when I got here everyone was already grouped up.

No one had been explicitly rude or anything to me, it just seemed like there was this constant barrier between me and everyone else. For the most part everyone here has been classmates since pre-school. They grew up with one another, I understood that factor and respected it. 

And I did try in the beginning. I really did. Despite my efforts though no one ever really clicked with me. Small talk was always made, group projects always went over fine, I even tried joining a few clubs back in middle school but none of them panned out. 

Despite all this I still tried to pop the bubble between me and everyone else, but then that's when he came. Suoh.

I can still remember that day so well even though it was years ago. It had been a fairly sunny Monday, I was seated in my assigned desk in the second to last row and third from the window, engrossed in a new book while everyone chattered waiting for home room to begin. 

Then suddenly there he was.

Blonde and violet eyed, greeting and introducing himself to the class. The small little flame of hope inside me flickered, growing just a bit brighter.

I'm sure I had a stupid grin on my face. I could barely contain myself sitting through the days lessons, watching the clock and waiting for the bell to dismiss us for lunch. 

Finally it did ring of course, and I popped up out of my seat like a jack in the box. Got a rather nasty bruise on my thigh too from my eagerness. Ignoring the pain though I had tried to sprint up to him, unfortunately for me though it seemed everyone else had the same idea. 

My meek self couldn't find the courage to push to the front of the group. Instead I let myself be blocked off and held in the back. Being patient though I waited.

Soon enough some of them began to disperse and the posse of people headed to the hall with me in tow. Then it happened.

He stopped to talk with one of the boys in class, Kyoya Ootori. For a moment he looked up. The bright kind violet eyes that I knew smiled at me, as he spotted me. And my hope was snuffed out.

The smile on my face disappeared as he gave me a smile. 

A polite one.

The one you give acquaintances, or when you meet someone new, a distant relative. 

It was just a brief moment of a polite greeting as he continued walking with Ootori right past me. 

That was the day I really embraced the whole just leave everyone as acquaintances thing. Granted, I'm still polite and kind to people, not exactly like I'm angry with anyone. But on that day back in middle school that barrier, that I thought was thin and needed to be popped like a bubble, hardened. It solidified into something a little bit tougher to crack. 

But that's ok, at least that's what I tell myself. So what if I'm not exactly happy? I may be bored but I'm not exactly about to try to change that.

That must be why fate decided to step in.