blue diaries

changes

changes                                                                                           February 2014

Second semester is in full swing and along with this semester came some changes. For the past few weeks my interaction with Kaeden had changed completely. I don't know what was making him act the way he was or why he was even acting the way he was. The worst thing is I couldn't even bring myself to ask him.

Things he tried when it was just the two of us were now being bought out into the open in Uni... in our lectures. We would both would earn a few glances from people, mainly Alicia and this other girl, Nadia, who usually sat a row or two behind us. The thing is that, that only bothered one of us… me.

I knew Alicia had been feeling Kaeden since last year and even tried to use me at one point to deliver her number to him. Then there was Nadia, someone who had just joined our lectures this year. It was clear to everyone on our course that Nadia was hung up on Kaeden. I had a feeling they had something because the way she acts practically screams that something happened between the two of them. I wouldn't be surprised either, Nadia is everything I'm not and just like Alexis she fit Kaeden's 'type'.

Normally Kaeden would entertain girls like Nadia and Alicia but recently all he does is acknowledge that they're present and then ignore their attempts to gain his attention for the rest of the lecture. Back in first year we were just two people who sat together for our lectures. No one even paid attention to the fact that we were friends or, most importantly, paid attention to me. Now it was as if people's eyes were always on me and that made me feel extremely nervous. I was just paranoid thinking that people were now talking about me; it was that same anxiety I felt during school and even college.

During one of our lectures in our first week back, I remember sitting down and Kaeden following me in. Nadia was right behind us that day but I wasn’t really concerned about her until during the lecture I felt his hand rest on my thigh. I remember jumping from the initial contact and snapping my eyes up at him to only see him focused on our lecturer like what he was doing was normal. I looked around the room, specifically trying to see if anyone could even sense my discomfort as his thumb rubbed small circles onto my thigh.

From the first contact I thought about it a lot. His hand would always end up resting on my thigh and after a while I didn’t mind because he would never place it in a suggesting way. But as the weeks went on his hand went from resting on my thigh to gently caressing them in the middle of lectures, inching his way higher and higher. I would always look out the window whenever I felt his fingertips reach my inner thighs to settle my nerves and the kaleidoscope of butterflies that resided within me. Every time I would try to discreetly move my leg away he would hold it in place or even give me a gentle squeeze, making me squirm in my seat. The thing that would irritate me the most was the fact he would just take notes like normal and not even meet my glaring gaze.

Whenever he did look up at me, I would always notice how his deep brown eyes were lit up in amusement, like he got a kick out of making me feel awkward. 

His hand found its way back to my thigh again as he rubbed soothing circles with his thumb. I crossed my legs but he only just pulled them back apart. I sighed and looked at Kaeden who was focused on the PowerPoint presentation that was projected. Sighing in exasperation, I called out his name as quietly as I could.

"Kaeden!" I hissed but he didn't even look at me. I kissed my teeth and nudged him gently and again he remained focused on the projection. I nudged him again… and then again. The fourth time I ended up nudging him harder than I wanted to out of frustration, causing his pen to run off of the page. I pursed my lips together and inched away from him as his eyes locked with mine. I mouthed an apology and handed over my tippex before hinting at him to remove his hand. He complied and I breathed a sigh of relief. I quickly looked around me and for the first time I noticed that Nadia was staring back at me... hard. I slowly turned back around, sinking into my seat slowly just wanting to hide.