I woke up like I did every morning, expecting to find you curled up by my side. But when I turned over, the bed was empty, and you were nowhere to be spotted. At first I brushed it off, telling myself that you were just cooking breakfast or showering. But the lack of noise throughout the apartment should have deterred me, and I apologize that I didn’t pay any mind to it. I should have known. I should have stopped you.
When I finally rose from bed, the silence in the house unnerved me, and that’s when the nerves began to kick in. I felt light-headed walking through the flat in my search for you, my knees growing weaker with every step I took.
I guess you could say I finally fell to my knees the moment I found you. I cried. A lot actually. My eyes stung with poisonous tears and my heart pumped with venom at the sight of you. But I don’t blame you, I never have. I blame myself.
I will never be able to un-live that day, or erase the image of your cold unmoving body lying still on the floor. It haunts me every day, and every night.
I did the only thing I knew how to do, and I called the ambulance. They were in the flat within minutes, carrying you away from me. I was unable to move, as well as Niall and Zayn, who I had called along with Liam right after the ambulance. It was Liam who drove us all behind the ambulance, while I silently cried to myself in the back seat.
I didn’t want to believe it.