Chapter 5 - Part 2

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Desi's fingers clenched around the stick shift, like if he didn't hold onto something he'd lose his grip on reality all together. Those weren't the words she was supposed to say. Was she fucking with him? They wouldn't be so cruel, to plan a joke like this, would they?

But if it wasn't a joke...

Ashley had dissolved into drunk blabbering now, reciting some words that seemed practiced but probably didn't quite resemble what she planned to say thanks to her fumbling tongue. "I wanted to talk to you tonight. I know I let it go too far but I was going to end it, and tell you, and I just— I was a coward, Desi. I couldn't—."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

She continued like he hadn't spoken though, too wrapped up in her own panic and regret, her face red with mortification. "It didn't mean anything I promise and I was going to tell you everything I just— I didn't know what to say... and if it wasn't for that little shit—."

"Casper has literally nothing to do with this," Desi interjected, his head pounding from the spinning and her desperate excuses that we're starting to run together at Mach speed.

Ashley choked back a whine with the interruption, correcting herself. "You're right. Fuck. You're right, I'm sorry, I just meant... if I just had a chance to tell you myself—."

"You wouldn't have. Clearly. Since I had to hear it from someone else, after you got caught." He could barely see anymore; everything was red, where his vision wasn't spotted with blindness at least. Could anger induce a blackout? Maybe he should pull over...

"That's not true, I just—." Ashley couldn't get a hold of her own words anymore, and when her mouth came up empty she filled the void with another swear, this one colored with a sob.

She didn't cry much. Actually, Desi wasn't sure he'd ever seen Ashley cry. She got angry instead. Violently angry. She'd punch and kick and bite long before she'd let a tear fall from her face. That was her thing. Desi would have thought that hearing something so close to tears escape from her would bring him down a little from the rage he was sitting in. It only seemed to make it worse though, the thoughts spinning his head taking on a note of cruelty.

She's not allowed to be upset. Fuck her. Fuck this. Fuck everyone. How fucking dare she. You gave her fucking everything. You put up with so much shit. You do deserve better than such a miserable cunt.

It took the last of Desi's sense to finally pull over. He could hardly keep his head straight anymore. He was going to get them killed if he stayed on the road with her.

Ashley had sobered up enough to realize that she should maybe stop talking. So she sat and waited, holding back tears that where shining in her eyes. Desi tried to get a handle of his racing heart, his shallow lungs. The air must have been lacking oxygen. It was so hard to breathe. He felt like he was drowning.

When his pulse lowered to just a tremor, he locked onto one of the questions tormenting him. "Why Nic? Why would you fucking do that to me?"

Her answer was a whisper, laced with timidness. "It's not like I planned this..."

"I'm sure you just accidently fell right on his dick, huh?"

Ashley cringed like he'd slapped her, stiff in her seat, but stayed silent this time, learning now that he wasn't looking for a response, and allowing him to punish her with his words instead.

"Did you fuck him?" Desi instantly regretted the question, leaning forward to put his forehead to his steering wheel. "Jesus Christ, don't fucking answer that, I don't want to know."

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