swallowing pride.彡

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"He wouldn't answer, would he?" Jungkook bit his lip, staring at his phone.

He was restless, sitting cross-legged on his bed, doing nothing when he had ruined so much. Every single fibre in his damned body was holding restraint, from just giving up, nothing would ever go his way, would it?

He scrolled through his contacts with his tattoed finger, eyes glassy as he stares at Taehyung's contact named 'my love.' Jungkook chuckles at the picture of the boy, he had his cheeks squished a painfully adorable smile on his rouge lips, eyes sparkling.

Jungkook knew everything happened way too fast, he knew both himself and Taehyung wanted something more than what was going on. He knew he didn't just perceive the boy as a relief for his desire, it was something much more longing, much more longing than any thrilling lust or crush.

It was a thing between the lines of love, and Jungkook was just so fucking prideful of himself, so prideful that he even overlooked what his heart wanted, and that of course, was none other than Kim Taehyung.

Jungkook swallowed down his fear for a millisecond, though it rose up his throat almost instantly as he hears the sound of his phone ringing, with each ring his heart dropped lower, and lower towards the very pit of his stomach, that is until...

"J-Jungkook?" His boy's voice was so gentle, it diminished all his pain. Taehyung chews on his lip, his eyes stinging as he hears the male breathing shakily on the other line. Jungkook clenches his jaw, his teeth bite the front of his tongue, heart palpitating.

'Won't you hurt him anyways Jungkook?' His subconscious blurted, and the male felt the palm holding his phone start to sweat.

Jungkook thought of Taehyung's brilliant smile, his eyes, how the kohl eyeliner that he applied was always smudged slightly, how that made him just that more beautiful.

But the dismay filled expression, the falter in his actions when Jungkook said the wrong thing, the most selfish thing a twat like him could ever speak of.

It felt like he had just kicked a puppy, it was so unpleasant and sickening.

Why did he just have to fuck everything up?

"Taehyung." Taehyung strummed his long fingers against his wooden desk, his eyes closed secretly enjoying the smoothness of Jungkook's honey-like tone, especially when he said his name it was like the name was made to be called by him.

"I didn't want to." Taehyung paused the movement of his fingers, now listening attentively, silently all he could envision was Jungkook doing that thing where he would tug at his hair, roll his tongue in his cheek.

The smallest of angered habits.

"I have this feeling of undeniable attraction towards you, and I can't decipher whether it's love, it's indescribable though euphoric and painful when it disappears."

"When you had left I don't know why I didn't run after you."

Jungkook let out a soft sigh, his brushes away the hair that framed the crown of his head, his heart still pounding immensely fast.

"I'm insecure, I've never loved not after I lost so badly at it." The black haired male chuckles with lack of amusement.

"I thought it was some game, to think there was a chance of winning or losing." Taehyung's eyes widen, larger than the size of a wok pan.

"Yes, I had bet on people with my friends I had met in various clubs and frat parties, I had broken people Taehyung." Jungkook laughed again, his tone faltering after each word that left his mouth.

"Watched them beg to stay, their faces flushed with anger, embarrassment, eyes fuelled with hatred as they spat at me for being such an indecent human."

"And to think that I could have the capability to love you without feeling guilty, or without the doubt, I'll just play you too, it's so fucking difficult." He smiles through the stinging of his eyes.

Taehyung cries softly into the palm of his hands, he knew where this was going, his heart was slowly sinking

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Taehyung cries softly into the palm of his hands, he knew where this was going, his heart was slowly sinking.

"I had agreed to our ordeal, I had also, thought you were a simple game I'd play."

Jungkook grips the device in his hand tightly, the veins in his arms define greatly, as he chokes out.

"I'm in fucking love aren't I?"

Taehyung splutters out another sob, his hands gripping his desk tightly, a pen rolls of his desk, and he hears it as the silence and growing tension is so thick and empty.

"So I'll have to be the one to end this deal because I cannot live to see you fall apart, I can't be selfish, not with you Kim Taehyung."

"I can't break you like I've broken others, I'll end this before I hurt you more than I should've even dared to."

Taehyung shakes his head, not aware that the other couldn't see him. Tears were rolling down his pink cheeks.

The call cuts off, and Taehyung is left with himself in a mess, his eyes worked like an open faucet, his heart, he couldn't even explain.

He didn't get the chance to say, he was hopelessly in love with Jungkook.

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