Chapter 31: I'm Not Crazy

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Joy

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Joy

I practically slept through the rest of Saturday and Sunday. This time, I made sure to check in with everyone who I felt needed the updates- my mom, Tanya, and Rashad. I didn't have any lengthy conversation, but I let them know I was okay. I avoided everyone else, including Phillip. I didn't have any new messages from him anyway, it was as if he took the hint that I needed some space and was letting me have it.

That Monday, I started researching full-time jobs. It wasn't because I didn't think Rashad wouldn't pay alimony or child support, it was because I still needed to find my financial independence outside of that with my own steady paycheck. What I did now was good for our joint income, but what I learned from watching my own mother, I didn't want to be left depending on a man for my needs.

I found two open positions for an art teacher - one at an elementary school and one at a high school. I found one as an Adjunct Art Instructor for Wake Technical Community College, a position for a Graphic Designer for a marketing firm, and a Motion Graphics Designer for another strategic marketing agency. I started working on resumes for each, but became frustrated and overwhelmed with it all and gave up altogether. I told my girl, Cheryl Whitson, who worked in HR for the City of Raleigh and she told me to send her what I had so far. After doing so, I laid down and went back to sleep. The closer it came time for the girls to return, the more anxiety I felt, and the more I wanted to hide away from the world. It had gotten so bad that I made an appointment to discuss with him how to handle delivering the news to them. Even though Rashad didn't want to go, I felt that it was still important. I didn't trust myself to handle this correctly on my own.

It was Wednesday, the day of my appointment with Dr. Osborne. I don't know why I was so nervous seeing him this time, maybe it had to do with the fact that the last time we spoke, he pointed out red flags that the he said he was concerned about when it came to me. I didn't want him to think I came for that, I wanted him to see that my only priority was doing the right thing by my daughters out of a messy situation. They were innocent. They didn't deserve to suffer anymore than they had to.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Richards," Dr. Osborne said, pushing his black-rimmed glasses higher.

"Hello, Dr. Osborne. How are you?"

"I'm doing good and I'm excited that you decided to give me and call and are taking me up on my offer."

"In what way?" I asked. "I thought we were only going to talk about the girls?"

"We are, but what's going on with their mother is also something that affects them," he said. I could tell that he was trying to handle me with kids gloves because of my resistance.

"I just don't want this to become a session where you're trying to fix me of whatever you think is wrong with me." I told him. "I think once things get settled with the divorce, I'll bounce right back."

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