the book of fluff (that usually isn't)

irrationality

i really hate this title but i couldn't think of anything else

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trigger warning: panic attack and slight self harm

Scott reluctantly opened his eyes at the sound of his alarm. He reached over and turned it off before dragging himself out of bed. He had just woken up, and he already couldn't wait to go back to sleep.

Connie smiled at him when he got downstairs and stood to give him a hug like she did every morning. "Good morning, my sweet boy. Please, have some breakfast before you go," she offered, but Scott smiled weakly and shook his head.

"Thanks, Mom, but I've got to go. I'll see you later." He kissed her cheek before he grabbed his backpack and left the house.

The walk to school wasn't long, but Scott wished it was. He dreaded going to school, and not just because it stressed him out so much he almost cried practically every night. The other kids were not the nicest to him, to put it simply. They never had been, and he honestly didn't think they ever would be. He was an easy target.

Scott let out a sigh as he sat at his desk in first period. The other kids sat with their clique, conversing among themselves as they waited for class to start. The teacher was at her desk on her computer, and no one looked up when he came in.

After the bell rang, the teacher stood. "So because I know all of you are stressed out because of exams, I decided on a little break," she said, and a small smattering of cheers rippled through the students. A small smile formed on the teacher's lips. "Everyone get out a sheet of paper and write your name on it. We're going to walk around the room and write things we like about the person whose paper it is. Does that make sense?"

The students murmured their affirmations, but Scott's heart was sinking in his chest. He had no desire to do this whatsoever; knowing the students in his class, the words would just lower his nonexistent self-esteem.

After the time was up, everyone returned to their seats and chattered among themselves as they read the words. Tears filled Scott's eyes when he read his.

ugly

stupid

fat

annoying

gross

fag

slut

whore

disgusting

Scott sniffled and rubbed his eyes pathetically, setting his paper back down on his desk. He'd expected this, but that didn't make it hurt any less. He focused all of his energy on keeping himself from crying as he looked back to the paper, unable to help himself. He scanned every inch of the paper, and his heart jumped when he caught sight of one small word.

lovely

Tears filled his eyes again, but they were different. Who had written this? Did someone actually like him?

Without thinking, Scott looked up and searched the room. He locked eyes with Mitch, a small brunet boy who never was mean to him but never spoke to him either. Mitch offered him a small smile, and Scott's heart began to race. Did Mitch like him? He hesitantly smiled back, and Mitch's smile widened as he turned his gaze back to his paper. Scott swore he was blushing.

He thought about that little smile for the rest of the day. Every single time it crossed his mind, Scott's heart skipped a beat.

He found himself thinking about Mitch for the rest of the day.