Cotton Candy Bruises

12. Afraid

Alex shot up from his bed with a cold sweat running down his body. The urge to scream hadn't yet left his body as he felt paralyzed.

He searched for his partner in his empty bed, finding nothing but absence in his search. He felt his hands and body begin to tremble and shake and knew where this was headed. "Nicole?" He asked, frantically.

He felt so helpless as he felt the anxiety attack coming up. A sob ripped through his chest as he tried to control his heavy, seemingly uncontrollable breathing.

Alex struggled to find the things around him to ground himself. He felt so afraid, helpless, and alone.

Nicole came rushing in and she immediately wrapped her arms around Alex and held him.

Alex began feeling like he was losing his mind while he struggled to continue his intervals of breathing. He felt so scared, he knew there was nothing that was gonna hurt him but he just couldnt shake the feeling.

"Please dont let me die." He choked out through his sobbing.

Nicole struggled not to cry, she had to remain composed or the fear of making his attack worse would kill her. "Im here baby, I wont let anything hurt you." She assured him.

"Am i gonna die?" He sobbed.

Nicole watched the trembling boy in her arms with scared eyes. "No baby, you're not gonna die. You'll be okay, Angel." She promised.

She felt his heart hammering against his chest and begged him to breathe the way she had tought him.

Alex began to calm down after Nicole gave him some water to drink, his breathing slowed, and he regained control of it, but the only thing that was bothering him now were the tears running down his face and the horrible thoughts that swirled through his head.

"You wont leave me, will you?" He choked.

Nicole held his cheeks in her warm hands. "I could never leave you, Angel." She spoke out softly, letting her hand run through his messy platinum tufts.

Alex dug his face into Nicole's chest, and clung tight to a fistful of her black t-shirt.

The dark room was quiet, leaving his soft sobs to prevent the room of an absence of sound.

Nicole left her back pressed against the dark wood of the headboard as she ran her fingers through his hair slowly, occassionally going in circles; attempting to put her boy to sleep.

His frame began to melt into her as he drifted to sleep, the comfort of Nicole's fingers in his hair allowed him to feel safe enough in order to sleep.

He was exausted, and drained. Nicole would have to watch him carefully. She was afraid that he'd get bad again, and by this she meant that he would possibly hurt himself or just shut down.

As her boy slept, and twitched in his sleep she let her thoughts wander.
She wondered deeply as to why her oh so tough boy had become so fragile in the matter of a few minutes.

Alex allowed himself to be vulnerable around her, but sometimed this did more harm to him than good.

All Nicole wanted to do was protect him, and she did just that.

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After Alex's short nap, he woke up still full of anxiousness, and he was on egdge. The slightest touch made him jump and he was more than just a bit sensitive.

"Im sorry," he breathed, his eyes searching around the room frantically.

Nicole looked at him with worried eyes. "Angel, you dont have anything to be sorry about," she paused, "i need you to tell me if you need anything, and id like to take you to the park so its easier for you to talk to me. Unless you'd rather go to the beach." She tilted his head up by his chin.