Chapter 22: I'll Try to Do Better

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I woke up that next morning alone in the guest bed. I could hear the voices of our daughter's coming from the kitchen along with Joy's mumbled responses. Hearing her made me reflect on the night before-us having sex.

I had pretty much settled into our separation, mostly because I realized I needed it as much she claimed she did. I didn't realize how much her cheating had bothered me until I moved out. So I stopped trying to get over it and focused on the healing that everybody kept saying I needed. For me, it wasn't only about her cheating, but the fact that she looked in my face every day for over a month and continued lying about it,  even when we were in counseling and she had opportunities to confess. It was only when I pressed her that she told me anything! That stuck with me.

Since she had the girls full-time, I wanted to give her a break while also spending the night with our daughters. I didn't expect her to come back that night and I wasn't expecting us to have sex in the way we did.

When Joy walked into the room, I had to do a double take. She was wearing a black see-through top that exposed how beautiful her breasts were. Her newly fit stomach was bare and the pencil skirt hugged her waist sexily. She looked so good that there was no way I could resist her, no matter how upset I was with her, this was still the woman that I loved. She was still my wife and the mother of my children.

Once our lips touched, I tried with every bit of willpower to resist. I know us having sex wasn't going to do anything but complicate our separation. Sex wasn't going to fix any of our issues it was only giving us false comfort and I knew once it was over, we would both regret doing it.

My regret was immediate, because while making love to her I couldn't get the image of her with another man out of my mind. The way she was made love to me with no inhibitions, didn't help. She hadn't been that carefree and confident in the bed since giving birth and even then there were little things she did here and there that made me wonder if she learned some new things from him, whoever he was.

I had to let go of trying to find out who he was because I knew me and I knew once I figured it out, that I would be in jail because I would kill him. I looked at our cell phone bill and looked up all the numbers that she called, I had a feeling that one of those numbers was him and a simple process of elimination would have let me figure out his name and where he lived. Todd convinced me that it wasn't worth it because my daughters needed me. He convinced me since she said it was a one-time thing and nothing happened that I had to learn to believe and trust her the way she was trying to do with me. It sounded easy out loud, not so much in real practice.

By the end of our sex marathon, I was done kissing and caressing on her. When I placed her in the doggy style position, I was straight fucking her - mad. I didn't care who she was to me, all I could think about was the betrayal. I didn't care that I had done the same thing, in my eyes, she was better than me, and I never expected this from her.

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