Flaws (Dan Smith Bastille Fanfiction)

Chapter Fifty Eight - Haven

As I was riding the train to my parents' house, a message came in. Dan.

-Shit. - I mumbled and took a deep breath before opening it.

-Please don't hate me X

-I wish I could fucking hate you, Daniel... - I whispered.

The man beside me turned to see me and I smiled awkwardly at him. He looked like he was my dad's age. He smiled gently and cleared his throat.

-How long has it been? - He asked, much to my surprise. - Since you've broken up, that is.

-I-uhm t-three months, almost four. - I heard myself reply.

-Was it infidelity?

I couldn't believe I was speaking about my failed relationship with Dan with a total stranger. In fact, this was the first time I discussed it at all. When it had happened I had just shut down all my feelings inside me. I wonder how I had not imploded or something.

-Ah, no. Actually, I'm pretty sure neither of us has been with anyone else during this time. Not seriously, anyway.

-Hah. - He said, thoughtfully. - Well, if he's thinking about you hard enough to text you at... - He looked at his watch - 9 o'clock in the morning during Christmas holidays, he's probably dying to know from you.

I nodded, shaking the phone in my hand.

-So do you think I should respond? - I asked. This was preposterous.

-Yes, definitely. Tell him what you said when you read his text, be honest, do it. - He answered, turning away again, then added. - Tomorrow.

I giggled and he smiled, not looking at me.

-

Following the kind stranger's advice, I took my phone about 24 hours after I had got Dan's text and went into the kitchen to hide from my family. Both Olivia and Esther were here, as was E's husband. And both my parents, naturally.

-I couldn't possibly. - I wrote and stood with the phone in my hand for about 5 minutes.

My mum walked into the kitchen then so I quickly pushed "send" and put the phone on the table.

-Why are you blushing? - She asked in a confidential tone.

-I'm not. - I answered, feeling the heat in my cheeks.

-Is there someone new? - She insisted, like she hand't heard me.

I shook my head.

-So it's someone old? - She chuckled.

Why can my mother read me like an open book? Ugh.

-Mother, get off my back.

-OK. But I'm always here if you want to talk. Not that I think you do, but anyway... - She concluded, walking away.

-I'm still in love with Dan. - I blurted out.

She turned around, raised her eyebrows and came back to put her hand on my shoulder. My phone went off then. Dan had answered.

-Is that him? - My mother asked. I nodded. - Well it's very possible that he is feeling the same way as you do, then.

I bit my lips and blushed again.

-But he's doing OK without me.

-Would he be writing during the Holidays if he were "OK"?

-I don't know.

-You know. But don't want to see it.

My hand was itching to take the phone and read his answer.

-Read it. - She whispered. - But keep in mind that all the things that set you apart will be there until you both decide to remove them.

-That's deep, Danielle. - I teased. Yes, my mother is called the same as Dan.

-Ce n'est pas à un vieux singe qu'on apprend à faire des grimaces. - She said (This is a French saying that means something around the lines of "you can't teach an old dog new tricks").

I cackled and read Dan's message as my mum walked out.

-That's nice to read.

I sighed and replied.

-Should come as no surprise, you know.

-Regarding you, now and always I don't know anything at all.

I didn't know what to say, so I went to drink some Egg Nog. Then the phone lit up again.

-You're at your folks' aren't you?

-Yup.

-Until?

-The fifth of January.

-Oh cool. Keep in touch, alright?

-Yeah. Enjoy your holidays.

-You too x

Awkward. It felt so, so weird to be just polite with a person when you want to scream you love them and you need them. I tried really hard to remember why or how it had come to an end. Why I wasn't with him while I was dying to be. How I could have gone all these months pretending I didn't even care. And how it had been for him. Had he been with anyone? Did he think about me? Did he miss me? Was he still in love with me?

I was so glad I was home. My family and everythig about Le Havre was so far away from my history with Dan. This was a perfect haven. Maybe I should stay here. Maybe I should never go back to London.