After the talk I had with Pang, It somehow cleared my mind. Maybe what confuses me was that I was caught unprepared by the situation. The turn of event came out without a warning.
This is not the first time that I mistook someone else as Noh. Back then, I would chase on someone who happens to laugh as my Noh. I once grabbed a buzz-cut guy who happens to shop at the same store as me. He was really horrified and I had to apologize profusely at him. I can remember how the hospital staff freaked out that day. I ran all the way down from the 10th floor of my hospital room to the parking lot below. I took the stairs in a hurry. All because I saw someone coming out from the hospital, and i thought he was Noh.
I remember the look they had that day. Mom, Pang and even Auntie Noi. I was kneeling on the ground crying like a child. That's the kind of mess I was. Till i decided to leave as what the doctors suggested.
Bangkok would eventually kill me. Everywhere i look, there is my Noh. I see him...hear him...feel him.. Each day that pass only makes it harder and harder. So i left...for me and for family. I thought i could run away...run away from the pain...run away from the reality.
I drowned myself in my studies. He wanted it for me, I know. I don't want to let him down. Slowly I've pick my broken self and live each day. I volunteered in a nearby orphanage during weekends just to have something to keep me busy. I took additional subjects just so i have less time alone. But even during those times, no matter how exhausted i was...at night...when everything else is dark and silent...I spend those moments with Noh. His memories brings so much pain and longing...but somehow it makes me smile. The pain kept me alive.
I never met anyone though a few friends did try but to no avail. I didn't even try.
Only these past few days is an exception. After a long time, I've let guards down. So maybe that was the very reason why I was so shaken by Yoru's sudden appearance. I'm a doctor, shouldn't have known my science well enough.
Two people may share an almost identical face, but that doesn't make them as one. Even according to studies, a person has at least six other people who look like him/her. So definitely this Yoru thing is a common scientific phenomena. No comparison should be done. I knew that now. Well, actually I was reminded of that fact now.
Yoru is not my Noh...and my Noh is not Yoru. Mistaking one from the other is unfair. Treating one based on the other is totally undeserved. One is uniquely his own persona. Maybe it's because of how I miss my Noh, that the moment I saw someone who look like him...I freaked out...
Yoru must think of me as a weird guy. I was all a mess when talking to him. It was a relief that he still approaches him even after all those of embarrassing contacts we had...
He was even kind enough to show me his place. He was being a gracious host and I was being total freaked out jerk. I remembered how Yoru took pride in his hidden place. Uncle Norak did a good raising his son. He was kind, friendly and felt very genuine. He is helpful and has a soft heart for other people. He is a great friend and his sister loves him so much. I can see how the people here treat him..like part of a family.
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Only With YouFanfiction
A life with Noh by his side, that's how Phun imagine his life would be. A clinic of his own, their very own restobar where Noh and his band could jam, a cozy house by the sea and waking up with each other every single breathing day...that's how life...