"So... everything good so far?" Lorenzo asks over a delightful helping of a food called hash browns.
I find my cheeks heating up just thinking about last night. Last night was good. "Yeah. Every thing's alright."
He immediately sensed my tone, which fell lightly. "What aren't you telling me?"
I lifted my shoulders again in a shrug, something I was never allowed to do at my old pack. "I don't know."
He sighed softly and rested his hand on mine on the counter, "Hey, whatever it is, I will always be here. Even if I have to kick his ass to the moon. You can tell me anything. But I get it if you're too uncomfortable."
I nodded and let out a breath I had forgotten I was holding. He scooped the leftover hash browns from my plate into a container, knowing that I was done, since I pushed it away some time ago. My silence however ate away at me. I could... trust Lorenzo.
"I'm still afraid of him." I blurted to his figure which was facing away as he put away the food. He stopped mid step.
For a second, his silence and abrupt stop made me wonder if I had overstepped my boundaries. I was quick to apologize, but he shushed me. He turned around, "I know you are scared. Other than the obvious fact that you flinch in his presence, I know its hard to break that emotional barrier and let people in, though you've been repeatedly told you can't.
"I can't begin to understand how you feel, but I know that I- he wants to do everything in his power to make you trust him. He can be very scary, he has a short temper, and was taught- just like you - to never let your feelings show, or you'll be hurt. I can't ever forgive him for what he did when he first meet you, and neither do you have to, but I want you to know he is a good guy." Lorenzo too a deep breath.
"He has good intentions. He wants to make a life with you, make you his Luna. He knows it'll be a long time before that happens, but he is willing to wait. I know you're afraid, but give him a chance. He'll understand if you need space, you can have time with him, and time without. If you feel overwhelmed come to me, I can have him step back. He is willing to undergo the time and effort it takes to wait for your recovery. It takes time."
I sighed, "But what if he gets mad that I'm taking too long to heal."
"Then he is not good enough. If he ever says anything like that, come to me." He rested a hand on my shoulder, "He will pull through, I know it."
I nodded and dropped my head, letting myself breathe deeply. Just give it time. "Thank you."
Lorenzo slowly pulled me into a hug, careful not to overwhelm me. My head comfortably rested on his shoulder, my arms hanging by my side. I trust him. My arms twitched, before I drew them up ever so carefully set them around Lorenzo. It was an awkward movement, but I could feel him relax, and his grip on me tightened slightly.
I was hugging him.
For some reason the second my arms went around him something in my heart jolted. This wasn't right. Alarms went off in my head, betrayal flashing across my mind. I was being a bad mate. My first hug should've been with Percyus. This was wrong, so very wrong. I started to pull away.
"Hey, Calla, I'm sorry for not waking up sooner, you could've woke me. I'd hate to have you all alone-" His eyes landed on Lorenzo and I, his words getting caught in his throat.
Lorenzo immediately let go of me and backed up, "This isn't what it looks like."
However, instead of being angry and exploding, he turned to me, betrayal written across his eyes, "You gave him your first hug... and not me?" He asked softly, his voice breaking.
My eyes immediately filled up with tears and guilt ate at me like a wildfire. "I'm sorry... I-"
"No, it's fine. You can hug whomever you please." He whispered, his eyes not even looking at me.
I had never felt so ashamed of myself. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that." But when I looked up to address him properly, I saw that he was already gone.
Where he was standing however was a small box. Lorenzo bit his lip decisively, apologizing before quickly leaving the room for me to drown in my own tears and guilt. I sniffed and sank to the ground in front of the box. I scooped the box up into my small hands and pried it open.
What rested inside was a small gold necklace. In the middle of it all, one of the few words I could read showed on a small gold plate: Calla.
I broke down into unintelligible sobs, clutching the pendant to my chest. I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I just blew my chance at ever having a mate. He wouldn't want me back after I whored myself around with his best friend. Who would want someone so disgusting and vile to represent the entire wolf population?
I was a disgrace.
I could feel Percyus's sadness through the mate bond, as it was that strong. I wailed like a baby, choking on my sobs while hiccupping. However, I knew I shouldn't be the one crying. I was the bad mate. I was the one who made him sad. I swallowed hard and stood up, noticing I had been sitting there in the little breakfast nook for hours.
It was dark by now, and there was no appearance of Percyus, nor Lorenzo. I guess I was that bad of a mate, and friend. The clock on the stove read ten pm, signalling past I would usually go to bed. I knew I couldn't go up there to Percyus's room, sleep in the bed he gave me, and cause him more pain. I was far from deserving that privilege.
I spotted the kitchen's sliding glass door which led to the snowy outdoors. I took a deep breath and strode up to the door, the necklace still in its box, resting in my fragile hands. I slid the door open and stepped out into the clod, winter month air. The second my feet touched the snow, I felt a sharp sting.
I wasn't used to pain anymore. Sure, I still had the fading bruises and the scars, but my body had gotten too used to the pleasures of not getting punished. A night out here should snap me back to normal. I found a soft patch of snow on the porch that seemed like a good place to camp. I sat down in the snow and leaned against one of the snow covered porch chairs, sniffing back the snot which already wanted to escape in the cold air.
I looked at the dark blue, felt covered box, and felt a tear slowly slide down my cheek before dropping onto my hand. I was stupid. I ruined any chance of him being able to accept me. He will reject me this time, I knew it for sure.
I shivered in the chilly air, my body even colder from being snuggled in the snow. I pulled my long brown hair to one side of my neck and started playing with the soft ringlets. They were tangled no doubt, but they were nevertheless the most beautiful thing about me. It certainly wouldn't be my face, so it could be only my hair, since my fat body was nothing but to be ashamed of.
My bare feet curled as frozen snow tickled them and fresh flakes danced onto my pale skin. Despite the frigid weather, winter had always been my favorite time of the year. it was so beautiful, so pure and perfect. The way the snow covered trees swayed and the fresh snow blanketed the ground, it was something to be jealous of.
Slowly but surely to the the sound of the wind drifting through my ears, I fell into a light, cold sleep, my form quivering in the night air.
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"Was your 'assumption' that spaghetti would be a good meal for my guests correct, little wolf?" My master growled, his elongated claws ripping at the small articles of clothing I'd been given to wear. "No, sir. They were not correct, therefore...