fifty seven

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"The hardest part of losing someone isn't having to say goodbye but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that's left inside your heart when they go."

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Rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands furiously and opening them back up again, I looked to the place where I saw him. He was still there.

"What-how?" I stuttered, feeling my voice begin to give out on me.

He looked at me the same loving way he always did. This is impossible—I must be going crazy. I took a deep breath and slowly walked towards him as I felt my eyes watering.

He reached out to hold my cheek, and we were now face to face. It feels real, I can feel him touching me, and I just started sobbing.

"Please come back to me," I cried into his chest.

"I can't," he simply replied, and I pulled away from the hug to look into his eye.

"This isn't fair," I whispered to myself, but then repeated it louder this time and looked at him. "This isn't fair." He just smiled sadly at me and kept silent. What is going on? I'm going completely insane. But it feels so real?

I didn't realize I was still gripping onto his flannel, my fists turning white. "Please, I can't," I sighed, my tears falling down my face, and I tasted the saltiness of them.

"Come back, come back, come back!" I screamed, my voice projecting even louder with each word. I pounded my fists into his chest and dropped to the ground. It wasn't until my hands were gripped to stop the punching that I realized it was Daryl. My eyes snapped open and darted around the room, and I instantly regretted waking because now I couldn't see Carl anymore. He was ripped away from me again.

I then remembered sitting on the bed, and from lack of sleep from the night before, I was exhausted and just wanted to rest my eyes, but instead fell into a deep sleep.

Daryl had a look of shock and confusion on his face as he dropped to the ground with me, holding me and rocking back and forth. It was all just a dream. I cried into his chest until I couldn't cry anymore. I genuinely thought I was okay, but I wasn't.

"What happened?" I asked softly as he let me go and looked at me. He helped me up, so we were now sitting on the bed facing each other.

"I heard you talkin'. Didn't think much of it until you started yellin', and you weren't talkin' to nobody," he said to me.

"I must've been dreaming. Sleepwalking too," I nodded slowly without moving my eyes from the spot I was staring at on the floor.

"You okay?" He asked cautiously and put a hand on my shoulder. I lied and nodded my head slowly, and I was sure he wasn't buying it.

"I know yer not, and that's okay, but I'm always here, you know that, right," he offered in his slight southern accent. I nodded slightly and tucked my hair behind my ear.

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