21ST CENTURY WILLIAM DICKSPEARE

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LEROI HAS HIS EYEBAGS DRAGGING across the hallway tiles like an elephantiac ballsack. His hands have crossed the yield point, thanks to exhaustion and he can barely fathom the hallway spinning ferris wheels around him.

Grabbing his locker knob for safety, he bangs his head onto it, blinking out the sleepiness from denied and now defiant hours.

Finally gaining sense on the lock's combination, he unravels it and digs in. Anything book-ish his hands can find will make do. But his subconscious does well to remind him of the frustrating queue of red D minuses fastening his result to his butt and his butt to a termite-stricken library seat.

A slap on his back relieves him of his fantasy of a world without exams, tests or school at all. A world like in Divergent where. . .

"What's up?"

"Yeah?" Leroi can barely piece the boy's face, not from any eye defects of sorts but imagines his broad simulacrum as a pillow.

"Lee-man?"

"Oh, Pervy. It's just you." Leroi shoves a nameless spiral-bound notebook into his armpit.

"It's Purvis. And I'm the newest recruit in the school's basketball team. You probably don't remember signing me in 'cos Coach Chester was busy getting drunk on his recent breakup and you had to feed his pet guinea pig which he stole from the biology lab. . ."

Leroi squeezes his eyes shut, praying to Thor to strike this guy's mouth shut on the spot.

"Yeah, nice knowing you. Bye."

"Hey wait up!

"Ugh, what do you want?"

"I have to ask you something, something very serious but I might be asking too much from you saying this, like if you won't be able to, I understand but it means a fucking lot to me and we are both guys so we should get ourselves --"

With cheeks flushed in indignation, Leroi spins around to face him. "Hecking gosh, who agreed to let this guy in the team anyways but heaven knows you better know how to move your legs yards across the field like you move your mouth thirty words in a sentence!"

Some students hanging around give him weird looks. Purvis' mouth is agape.

"Wow. Oh my gosh, are you okay?"

"No." Leroi leans against the class doorframe to catch his breath as the exhaustion penetrates into him with full force. Purvis reminds him of Nixon, except that for the natural blondeness and obviously inferior vocabulary.

"Too bad." Purvis turns on his heel and his back to Leroi. "Guess I'll have to hang this in my personal collection of lost and found valuables." He eyes Leroj with a smirk on his face as the latter reciprocates on the pendanted necklace wrapped around his fist.

All air escape Leroi's lungs. "How did you --"

"Less talking. More...talking, you know what I mean!"

Leroi sweatdrops. "Know what?"

"You're not only going to introduce --" he wiggles his brows. "Me to your best friend but also teach me how to make a special type of ham Seraphina swore he can die for. Oh yeah, teach me how to play basketball too, because I can barely ball -- forget the tryouts. Don't want to put all my eggs in a basket ya know."

"Kaolin?" breathes Leroi.

"Kaolin Millicent Meyer."

Purvis, with a fiery glare, picks his jaw from the floor. "Um, no!" He shakes his head fervently. "Never. You're crazy."

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