20. Good Gone Bad

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Him...

She was looking at me and I tried my best to read what she was thinking.

Her big blue eyes are wide and deep, deeper than I have ever seen them before, reaching out to me in a way I can't yet comprehend. Her lips are hanging slightly apart, deliciously pink and full, begging me to taste them. Her breathing is as heavy as mine, letting me know I'm not the only one who is nervous.

"What are you doing?" She whispered softly.

"Stay still." I whispered and leaned in again, with her looking in my eyes. My eyes went to her lips as I leaned in closer and closer, till my lips almost touched hers.

"Stop." She breathed, and I wondered how one tiny word could be so bitter and punch someone so damn hard in the stomach.

"What?" I backed away.

"Don't." Pushing me away, she sat up straight.

Did she just push me away? Did she tell me to stop?

"Don't what?" I sat up as well, trying to wrap my mind around what was happening.

"Don-don't do that. Don't." She stuttered and I felt my anger and disappointment taking over. I didn't know what to say and to be honest I didn't want to open my mouth at that moment.

She just stopped me from kissing her. No one has ever stopped me before. I'm not at all worried about my ego, but honestly speaking, I've never been rejected before and I never imagined this is how it feels like. But now that I know, well, rejection is truly a bitch.

I got off the bed, walked over to my closet and took out some jeans and a shirt, before going out of the room and slamming the door shut behind me.

I need to get away, to think straight. Why did she do that? Why did she reject me? Is it because of her ex? Or is it because of me?

Have I been so blindly reading into this relationship more than it actually is? I mean, I thought this is what she wanted too. How wrong could I have been? So does that mean that there's absolutely nothing going on at all? Have I truly been this delusional? I'm confused. I'm truly confused.

I changed in a minute then took my car keys and my wallet off the table in the living room. I left the apartment, got to my car and drove off with no idea where the hell I was going. I just had one target on mind: to figure what the fuck was going on with me.

Her...

Stop crying, Emma. It's not your fault he tried to kiss you.

No, it's not. It's my fault I stopped him. What did he want me to do? Let him kiss me? Kiss him back? I can't do that. He's... he's not right for me. I'm not right for him, either. We're different. Besides, what do I know? Maybe he wants to sleep with me just like every other woman he sleeps with. I mean, that's what he does, right? He sleeps with women then he never calls them back.

But why would he be that sweet and kind with me? He helped me and took care of me. He let me cry in his arms and he rubbed my back till I fell asleep. He even made me hot chocolate. God, I'm going insane. I have been up all night, waiting for him to come home, but he hasn't. Where did he go? And was I right about stopping him, or did I just mess everything up? But he did say that he will quit his previous lifestyle and that I no longer needed to worry about him sleeping around. Does that have anything to do with me?

What do you think, dumbass? Of course it does. Why else would he try to change himself?

Does that mean that he wants to be with me, like in a relationship? Am I even ready for that? Do I even still have a choice or did it walk out the door with him?

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