Letter 7

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A/N- Please comment, vote, and fan . 

I got this idea from an writer on here, the first reader to comment with feeback so far will be dedicated in my next letter :) If people dont want to comment it wont thats cool I'm not trying to force you guys I;m just happy people are still reading this :D

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Dear Mum, 

I had sex...

Or rather he had sex whilst I cried, to scared to move and stop him. I thought he loved me mum bet he didn’t, but when I think about it I don’t see why I thought he loved me.. Who could love someone as broken as me?He used me and then ditched me once he got what he wanted as if I was some broken toy, easily forgotten. I guess love really does make you blind to the truth.

I didn’t want to have sex with him that night but he said it would prove our love, I was just so scared of losing him, of losing the only person who shows me any emotion other than sympathy and pity. I was scared of losing my happiness.

 But I turns out I would have lost it either way but now that scum has my virginity!! That is something I can never take back. I just want to undo the whole thing, go back and avoid his advancements at the party so that we would never have started dating in the first place!! If we had never started dating then I wouldn’t have had that brief period of light but then again I wouldn’t have known what I was missing so I would have escaped this pain and remained in my gloom.

I feel like someone has ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I have no friends to confide in , Dad would kill me if he knew and I want Ellie to keep her innocence. If she knew what I had done then I would have no place to tell her not to do it.

I need you mum, everything is such a mess. I wish you could have been here to warn me, to tell me not to trust him. I wish you were here to make it all better I wish you were here to let me know that I haven’t failed you, that you’re not disappointed in me.

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