Kai.

Change

Hm. Change. Interestng word, change. It could mean so many different things. It means something different to everyone.

See, change can be a pretty scary thing. My year has been a bit of a guinea pig for the Government for at least... Oh, four years. We have had the first changes for a few things made; what kind of exams we take, how we are taught, what we are taught. The last one was actually my schools decision.

Right now, I'm praying for a change. I prefer my changes in one big package. I'm going to a new school in September, along with most of my fellow students. I'm hoping to change schools, I'm hoping to change friend groups, I'm hoping to find out how to balance everything. I'm wishing for a shit tonne of things. It happens every once in a while. I know I'm changing schools, and I will probably be able to manage the second point. But the third is less likely.

I like change. I hate it with a passion. It seriously depends on how I've been dealing with life recently. If it isn't working out, then I need a change. Kind of similar to those crappy adverts about diets, but I've never tried nor wanted a diet. Maybe life is my freaking diet. Pretty bad tasting diet, can I add.

I can't remember what I was supposed to be going on about anymore. Change. I've already said pretty much it.

I started hating change when people started leaving me. It was forced upon me; then they came back, and it was forced upon me again because they always think I'm kidding when I say get lost. So basically, I like change when I initiate it. Looking back, what started most things today is change. How everyone left me until I started leaving them myself. I'm glad I'm not clingy anymore. But some times, I think I should have followed a different thread. I never had the bad life a few people had. But my trust is a tattered rag, so don't be surprised when I don't seem to trust you as much as usual.

We fear how we feel inside. Everything starts to fall apart eventually. Nothing lasts forever. See, destruction is the herald of change. Destruction is the start of continuity. Change is constant, nothing stays the same forever. Whether we like change is irrelevant. Change tears, it rips, it crushes us into pieces; and it frees us, unleasing shackles and letting go. Change is constant, and steadier than life is, anyway.