I tucked into my bag.

The title was,

Broken.

I don't plan on sharing it

with anyone,

but it felt good

to write down my feelings.

 

* * *

 

When I got into the cafeteria,

there was a girl

sitting at the table

where I sat at yesterday.

She smiled at me

and waved me over.

I recognized her as the girl

who was lovestruck yesterday.

I looked behind me,

to make sure she was waving

at me.

She was.

I walked cautiously over,

and sat across from her.

She said,

"Hi,

my name

is Ingrid.

What's yours?"

I waved back,

and pulled out my notebook.

I wrote down,

I'm Daiha.

She looked confused,

so I wrote,

I don't talk.

Her mouth formed a small oh,

and she nodded in response.

I was surprised

when she didn't get up

and walk away.

 

Ingrid stayed with me

the entire lunch period.

When she asked

why I wasn't eating,

I just wrote down

that I had a big breakfast.

She replied,

"Oh."

But I could tell

she didn't believe me.

I felt awkward

when she asked

if I wanted to go over her house

after school.

I didn't know what to say,

but I guessed she was doing it out of pity

for the new girl

who doesn't talk.

I wrote on my notepad,

Maybe another time.

She looked a little disappointed,

but then the bell rang,

and I bolted out of there.

I didn't bother to look behind me

to see if Ingrid followed.

 

* * *

 

When I got home,

I was surprised to find

Mom sitting in the kitchen

laughing with one of her friends

whom I'm guessing she met

at the country club.

I dropped my bag

on my chair,

and smiled when my mom

said, "Oh hi, Daiha."

She introduced me to her friend,

whose name is Karen.

Karen looked a bit disgusted

when my mom told her

I was selectively mute.

So did my mom.

So I practically ran out of the kitchen,

tears forming in my eyes.

I used my razor again,

against my wrist.

Why can't I speak?

So I tried to say

hi

to myself.

But it came out

as a hoarse whisper.

At least

it was something.

If only I had the courage

to actually say that

out loud,

to someone's face,

and not just to the mirror.

 

But for that to happen

someone would actually have to care enough

to encourage me to speak to them,

and show me I could trust them.

But until then,

I won't be able

to be brave enough

to speak out loud

where everyone is listening,

and judging my every word.

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